“Nothing
will be impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37)
“All
things are possible for one who believes.” (Mark 9:23)
“Have
faith in God….” (Mark 11:22)
At
age 2½ a strange rash appeared on a chubby little thigh, just as the
twins were starting to sleep thru the night. (Yes, two
and a half years of not sleeping, times two.) |
| Hands full... |
The
rash was bumpy and itchy, and would not go away. It did not respond
to the natural remedies that worked for everything else, and
responded only temporarily to supplements and diet changes.
A
year later, it suddenly spread to her whole body. I remember sitting
at the dinner table silently aghast and helpless as it kept spreading
daily over my baby’s skin, til she was bumpy from head to toe
within a week’s time.
We
took her to a dermatologist, who wasn’t helpful with diagnosis or
cause, but who prescribed an antibiotic, steroid cream, and
antihistamine. A subsequent visit to our holistic doctor and prayer
guided us toward a little steroid cream to get the rash under
control, and keeping her on antihistamine for what turned out to be a
year, while we continued to search for the cause and use natural health supports.
The
rash would wax and wane but never cleared up and was itchy and
disruptive. Also during those preschool years she was a little
volcano of anger and tantrums.
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| Always been a character, that one |
We
knew that symptoms always have a cause, that her body was merely
reflecting externally some big problem on the inside. We did a lot of
work on her gut during those years, and even though it didn’t clear
up the rash, she became much more peaceful and emotionally balanced.
In fact, her personality changed quite drastically for the better.
Why
didn’t we use more steroid cream indefinitely, you may be asking?
Because a dear friend’s son had an even worse horrible rash and
after months on steroid cream, his rash exploded into TSA, toxic
steroid addiction. (Please educate yourself on this hellacious
condition before trying steroid cream.)
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| Precious sweeties |
In
the fall of 2017, at age 5, her skin started going downhill again,
and within a month or two, the rash had blown up into a weepy, oozy,
purple mess. We couldn’t leave her alone for an instant, lest she
scratch her legs at all. At bedtime we would read Richard Scary or
Uncle Wiggly books to her, constantly distracting her from itching
til she fell asleep, a 1-2 hour process every evening. Then in the
night we'd awaken to her calling and jump out of bed with heart pounding, bolt down the hall to her room, and sit or kneel for hours by her
bed, rubbing her legs and trying to satisfy the itch enough for her
to fall back to sleep, with lots of reluctant screen time as our only
way to distract her from the torturous itch.
We
couldn’t do much at Christmas that year, and I remember trying to
take a walk to get out of the house, but the poor babe couldn’t
even bend her leg, it was so swollen. She was incredibly patient and
long-suffering through all of this, displaying a self-control most
grownups couldn’t muster, and with supernatural joy and peace. (And her sisters were amazingly supportive and helpful.)
In
desperation I started the GAPS diet with her, then put her twin on it
too when I realized the skin rash she’d had on her face that year
actually looked alot like Cora’s. Yikes, was this mysterious malady
spreading through the family? (A few months later I put Annelise on
the diet too, and within a day she was suddenly much happier and at
peace, and along with switching from mouth- to nasal-breathing at
night, she finally started reading at the end of 2nd grade! Oh the
power of food. But she’s another story.)
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| Supa soupa |
2018
was the year from you-know-where. We sank to the very bottom of the
pit and dragged ourselves through the muck. With the guidance we had,
I started a protocol with Cora that had me busy from dawn to dusk
between her protocol and cooking every bite of food from scratch with
a handful of GAPS ingredients. Then from dusk to dawn we were helping
her through the night. We all had strange symptoms that year and kept
researching and trying different “interesting” things which
helped to varying degrees.
I
had to admit months later that when I was trying my hardest, our
sweetie was actually at her worst. It’s so hard to know if someone
is detoxing or getting worse. Turned out that our protocol was way
too much for her little body. But God rescued both of us:
We’d
asked several of you to pray daily with us for Cora for 40 days. Day 9 of
those 40 days, we found a doctor who had experience in what we
thought at that time was the root cause. She had me stop the protocol
I was doing and gave us one simple thing to do. What a burden lifted!
The specialized blend of Chinese herbs tasted terrible to Cora and I
had to do jumping jacks to get her to down the brew twice a day, but
it helped. And slowly she started to improve.
We
had no life that year, and homeschool kindergarten was greatly
interrupted by itchy attacks. (Though thank God we could homeschool
and try to keep her comfortable!) And we were inside the house all
summer because both the heat and chlorine were triggers, along with
spring and summer allergens.
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| Mmm, lotsa fresh food |
But
the most amazing thing that happened during those 40 days was that
Cora was saved! We’d talked several times during her little years,
at her own prompting and questions, about Jesus dying for her sins, and how we need to repent of our sin and receive God’s forgiveness
through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. But this time she was
ready, and initiated a desire to pray and receive His free gift of
eternal life! All three girls have come to Christ at an early age,
and we are always cautious to watch for fruit and a changed heart
afterward. But we rejoiced in the midst of such a hard year of
physical sickness, that God reached down and healed her heart of sin
and made her a new creation in Christ for all eternity, which is
infinitely more important.
That
Thanksgiving I had a dream that I was clinging to a cliff made of
sand, almost straight up, trying desperately to climb to the top
which seemed close by, but clutching at the sand and sliding to my
peril, unable to get a firm hold. I woke up in a panic and realized
that’s exactly how I’d felt all year.
We’d
become afraid of everything, and I finally realized that fear doesn’t
ever stop on its own. It will keep coming and box you into a corner,
and then keep coming til its claws are around your neck. Only I could
stop the fear, only I could push it back and take baby steps of risk
to test the untried ground and find it firm. And slowly we started
doing that. (more about victory over fear)
In
2019 we were still in survival mode, pretty isolated, and working on
Cora’s health and the kids’ myofunctional health. I was learning
how emotions impact health and discovered that fun was important and
healing to Cora’s personality type, so we started getting out more.
The kids got to play a season of basketball at our church, which felt
like a miracle. But all the while, our family was held captive by
this rash. We just could not get on top of life without another wave
slapping us down again. (I know some of you are at this place in your
own lives, or have recently been there.)
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| Go White! |
We
had just started to emerge in earnest when covid lockdowns hit.
That’s another story of course, but it was amazing how all our
years of sickness had actually prepared us for covid. We knew how to
be sick! We knew what to do and what remedies worked for us and
mostly how to lean on the Lord and ask Him for everything and watch
Him pull us through, time and again. We didn’t have to fear
sickness, which was so freeing. And we’d just been isolated for
years and weren’t going back there. We knew that wasn’t a
long-term solution for any malady. Ironically, home was the last
place we should have been...but that had not been revealed to us yet.
So
after almost seven years of searching for the root cause—and as
many doctors—and countless dollars and hours of sacrificial serving
of one another and serving our Lord (oh, but what treasure in heaven
we laid up for ourselves by His power!), the rash was still there.
But
our hearts were completely changed. (Sniff…)
These
transforming truths were burned by the fiery trial into the fibers of
our weary but renewed hearts and minds...
God
is merciful: I was kneeling in a fetal position of
desperation, face in the carpet, begging God to keep Annelise from
throwing up. She had the stomach bug which was her arch-nemisis...and
the only thing bad enough to pluck me from Cora’s bedside that
night. I was begging God from the depths of despair and
desperation—and suddenly a ray of light shone into my heart: God is
merciful. There’s hope. It was like the prodigal son when he
came to his senses. God is not waiting for me to do it perfectly, to get it just right.
He’s waiting for me to realize I never can, and fall on His mercy.
And His ability. He answered my prayer that night, and that was a
turning point of revelation in our journey.
Pray
without ceasing: The GAPS diet taught me to ask God for help with
literally everything. I’d open the fridge, stare blankly at the
contents, and say, “Lord, the kids are hungry again, and I don’t
know what to feed them. Show me what to feed them.” And every time,
He would! And together, me and Jesus would whip up some concoction to
fill their little tummies with nourishing food.
“Only
God is good” (Luke 18:19): I can’t help anyone. I am totally
bankrupt in myself. We learn about the depravity of man in the Bible
and Sunday School, but I came to a place of utter despair in my
ability to help anyone, save anyone, do any good on my own. “For I
know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh” (Romans
7:18). Only God is good. Only He can help anyone, save anyone, heal
anyone. The best I can do is be an empty, free-flowing channel of His
Holy Spirit of power and kindness and love. This was huge and
surprisingly freeing death-to-self for my yellow personality,
which is motivated by helping others. And for my savior mentality,
since Christ is the world’s only Savior, and “it is finished.”
Knowledge
comes from God alone: “For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth
come knowledge and understanding…” (Proverbs 2:6). I can’t
figure anything out on my own. I can stew and process and do mental
gymnastics, but I will never find the solution, the answer, the root
cause. Knowledge comes only by revelation of God. He is its keeper,
and He dispenses it at His will. He expects me to use my brain and
pray through problems and process them with Him. But only He can
reveal knowledge when the time is right. And I can simply look to my
Father and ask.
It’s
the TRUTH that sets us free: Last fall, the Lord led us to a new
doctor through a “random” conversation. He wanted Cora to take a
test for mold toxicity just to rule out that possibility. While I was
assisting her with the test, I was tempted to help her fudge one of
her answers. And in that moment the real test happened in my heart:
you can manipulate the results to be what you want them to be, Janel,
or you can pursue the truth. And by God’s grace, in that
split second chasm between light and darkness, I chose the truth.
Even if it’s ugly. Even if it’s inconvenient. Even if it involves
a lot of work and upheaval. Even if it disproves my hypotheses. Just
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. “And you
will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).
And
so, in His beautiful time, He did reveal the truth to us. She did
have mold toxicity, and we did have mold in our basement. We’d done
airborne tests before that proved fine, and even after the inspector
found the yellowish spots on the walls of the unfinished part of our
basement, the air test was still fine. But Steve felt strongly that
we should get Cora out of the house for an extended period of time
and see what happened (and when Steve feels strongly, I listen). So
since we’d been impressed by the freedom in Florida and knew the
beach was good for skin, we spent two weeks in St. Augustine, two
weeks in Navarre Beach, and two weeks outside Tampa in February and
March. The Lord was gracious to provide, and the kids’
homeschool-tutorial school bent over backward to flex with us.
As
we were preparing to leave I had no idea what would happen. Cora had
had a bad year and by winter she was itchy throughout the day, making
schoolwork almost impossible, and frequent distraction necessary. Her
legs were the usual scaly, scabby mess. And Steve spent hours sitting
in her room every night til she fell asleep (this man!!! his patience
and long-suffering and uncomplaining dependability for 7 long years
puts him right up there with Job). I had no idea what God would do,
but I knew He was leading us and was carrying the burden we’d
staggered under for so long, and we were simply following our
Shepherd. “I’m so curious what You’re going to do, Lord,” I’d
say while packing, as the kids chased Cora around the house helping
her not to scratch.
We
could barely pack, she was so itchy all day long. But the day we got
in the car, she was fine. One itchy attack in the car, and lots of
itchies that first night. But the next day on the road she was fine.
And the following day we got out on the beach, and braved strong
winds and rain pellets with staunch seagulls, giddy and silly and
splashing around. (“Northerners at the beach,” they must have
muttered to themselves.)
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And
slowly, our Creator and His beautiful creation—the salt water and
fresh air and sunshine and grounding sand—did their work. I took
pictures of progress, but hardly dared think about the miracle that
was happening, so practiced were we at staying calm and downplaying
emergencies, and so numb were we after so many ups and downs.
But
by the end of 6 weeks, no one could dispute that her skin had almost
completely cleared up! I still can’t believe it.
Sigh.
And then we had to go home, which honestly required bigger faith than
to leave. Once again, we had no idea what would happen, and were
simply trusting God and taking the next step. Steve ripped up the
basement (understatement) and then we moved Cora back into our house,
and for a few days she was fine. But then her skin started going
downhill, and so fast that we had to get her back out of the house
immediately.
So
began the pivotal few months on which our destiny hung.
Long
story short, we got out all the mold, but she continued to react. I
think she simply got too sensitized to that house, having lived there
her entire life. And could this explain why all of us had been unwell
for years? It was a strange process of transition to discern God’s
will through these circumstances, to keep taking the next small step,
and the next, and the next, which led us to the enormous step of
deciding to sell the house and move to FL...and telling the kids, and Steve’s
parents, and our close friends.
The
day after school was over, we were in the car to get those little
worsened legs back to FL. And to find a house to rent. We had decided
to move to Jacksonville for several reasons, but we hadn’t actually
been to Jacksonville. Only St. Augustine, 45 minutes south. But God
confirmed our hunch by giving us the most abundantly fun and fruitful
time in Jax those 10 days in June. The only problem was, we couldn’t
find the right house to rent, and drove back to MD...without a house!
But wait, the house is of the utmost importance since we were
moving because we couldn’t live in our MD house. And we had to walk
through our rental in person to make sure it was safe for Cora. Yet
another huge test of faith and more lessons to learn, with yet
another story of the Lord providing a house in a miraculous way as
only He can!
I
packed up all our possessions (minus the kids’ rooms which they
packed themselves!) despite bouts of sickness, and Steve accomplished superhuman painting and construction projects to ready the house for
sale. (Oh, and did I mention that God had provided a realtor two
doors down the street?: our neighbor who sold his own house—the
week we returned in March—in five days for gobs over asking price.)
It’s
amazing to look back and see how God worked out every detail, and
gave us the strength and stamina to accomplish His plan. “Many
hardships and perplexing circumstances confront the righteous, but
the Lord delivers him out of them all” (Psalm 34:19). We were
moving to Florida! It was so exciting. Even on the long drive down on
July 25, when we didn't leave til 11 AM because we were still clearing out the house and selling stuff on craigslist, and we could barely move in the packed car. So much stuff...so many adventures. And once again, the day we
got in the car, Cora stopped itching.
So here
we are. And we love it! We are absolutely flabbergasted by God’s
abundant provision for us! Our church (gracejax.org) is “exceeding
abundant beyond our expectation.” Everything—the preaching and
teaching, the fellowship and serving—is truly centered around the
Word of God. The focus is on shepherding the Body of Christ,
equipping men to think Biblically, and practicing the “one
another” commands of the New Testament with truth and kindness. We
love our new friends! And do Nature Club and field trips with a group
of them.
For
school, the Lord led us into a Classical Conversations community
which we are also loving! I never foresaw doing CC, but I’m
surprised what a perfect fit it is for us during this season.
Annelise adores her Challenge A class and is tackling her big science
project. And the twins sing the Timeline song morning, noon, night,
and in the shower. (And I sing clips in my sleep.) I’m learning so
much history and English along with them, and enjoying our new
friendships. The Lord landed us in an incredible group!
We
love living 15 minutes from the beach—an outdoor activity we can
each enjoy as a family, refreshing to body and soul. We love our
screen porch and walking/skating/biking around the pond and wearing
shorts in November! The kids are taking tennis lessons, and enjoying
Adventure Club and youth group on Wednesday nights (while Steve and I
get a “date” picking up groceries and walking around the park).
[Contented sigh]...God has been very kind to us!
We
miss family and friends in Maryland, but have been able to go back
twice already for ortho appointments and to spend quality time with
them. We continue to thank God for Steve’s flexible job where he
can work remotely from anywhere.
Wait,
why did we move down here? Oh yeah, for the miracle that keeps us
pinching ourselves—it just seems too good to be true, and yet so
normal and right. After “dutifully” going to the beach every
chance we got and simply enjoying living in this blessed state and
breathing the fresh air that blows across this peninsula, Cora’s
skin gradually cleared up again and has been completely clear for
weeks. She can focus on her schoolwork now, and sleep much better.
Furthermore, God has provided the ideal health practitioner to help
each of us recover from life and, Lord willing, achieve a level of
wellness that will allow for greater service and community. We have a long way to go, in every way, but we're so thankful for the Holy Spirit's work in our bodies and souls.
He
could have healed her any way He wanted to. But He chose a way we
never could have imagined. And He could have moved us to FL any way He wanted to, but He chose to do it in this unique and memorable way. There's still an element of mystery to all of this...but we walk by faith, not by sight.
Why
are we telling you all this?? To add yet one more testimony, one more
psalm of praise, one more triumphant shout to the reverberating
cacophony of the ages: GOD IS FAITHFUL!! He gave us what we needed
every single day of our trial, and every single night. And our health
and life are entirely in His hands.
My
biggest (and sweetest) memory is of kneeling by Cora’s bed on the
hardwood floor that Steve painstakingly put in for her, in the utter
darkness of night, spent beyond all comparison, after she’d finally
fallen back to sleep...caught up in ecstatic praise to God through
the worship music that got us through those nights. (Hidden in My
Heart, vol. I-III) And also watching her grow in character and
spiritual maturity and love for Jesus through this trial.
This
account is just a drop in the bucket of all that happened. And a drop
in the ocean of all that God did!
Our
all-wise Father shepherded and parented all five of us through this
gift of a trial. Our loving Master pruned our branches in order to bring
forth much fruit for His glory (John 15). We started really tasting
that fruit—deep and soul-satifying—that year we were at our
lowest. Our hearts were being softened and transformed, we enjoyed
more peace and joy, and Jesus set us apart from the culture and drew
us close to His heart.
“For
we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of
the
affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened
beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed,
we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to
make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He
delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He
will deliver us. On Him
we have set our hope that He
will deliver us again.
You
also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our
behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many." (II
Corinthians 1:8-11)
“But
he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is
made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more
gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon
me.” (II Corinthians 12:9)
Thanks soo much for your prayers (that got us through) and your friendship!
Love,
Janel, Steve, Annelise, Evelyn, and Cora
PS. Please come visit or let us know if you're ever in the Jacksonville area or passing through
on 95!
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| Our Christmas card in 2018...He gave us the faith to believe the impossible & later fulfilled it! |
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