On the other side of the door

Last night I was feeling the glass ceiling of seemingly unanswered prayer. Annelise has been spitting up (a euphemism for full-on puke) much more the last several days, and teething is my new hypothesis after much mommy-research of which I'll spare you. (But if your child is suffering a like malady, feel free to contact me to commiserate!) I finally hit my limit, which happens now and then, and took it out on Steve, which also happens now and then, poor man.

Later when I semi-apologized, I said, "Actually it's God I'm mad at. I just feel like He's not answering my prayers. Why does He have to answer some and not others? Why can't He just do it all?" I can be as young and pouty as my baby sometimes. But, that's how I was feeling, and thank God I can voice my feelings, however childish, to my sweet wise husband.

Later still, when Annelise was whimpering in her bed, the teething-I'm-trying-to-go-to-sleep-but-can't whimper, it was late, but I kept getting out of bed to go listen to her and pray by her door. Steve had tried to close our door and listen himself, to help me go to sleep, but I just can't sleep, I told him, til babykins is sweetly sleeping. Then came the revelation from on High, that usually follows a particularly childish but honest blurt from my lips:

Annelise probably thinks I don't care, because I'm letting her whimper in her bed and fall asleep on her own. But I have no choice...it's the only way she's going to fall onto a happy sleep. (We had already rocked her.) And she has no idea that I can't sleep until she does. So with our Heavenly Father, who loves us even more (really? wow) than we love our own children. We think He doesn't hear, doesn't care. But He's perched, listening, waiting, watching, hanging on every breath, just on the other side of our door.

Silly for a smile

I've been compiling a vague mental list of why parents need children, why they are a gift from God, besides the obvious of course. One reason we stodgy adults need little people in our lives is to get us in touch with the whimsical, impulsive, nonsensical side that surely everyone has, buried at some level.

My favorite memory from today is of "dancing" to and fro for an audience of one chubby cherub propped up among the pillows on our enormous sleigh bed. Leaping along the footboard with arms waving back and forth, and an arabesque thrown in for good measure, I then ran up and jumped onto the bed with a "boo," all for the smile on her formerly whimpery face and the "you're silly but very entertaining, Mommy" look in her eye. It was all I needed to make my universe complete, and to motivate still sillier exhibitions in the near future, I'm sure.

Fear not

I was feeding Annelise yesterday of a gorgeous morning, after flinging the windows open around the house and letting the fresh air blow in. She is very alert to sound and gets easily distracted while eating, pulls off and looks around, then goes back. It's almost like she's having a stress dream sometimes, as she startles and tries to sit up, all in one motion, and figure out what's going on and what she's supposed to do about it. Which is strange because she's so relaxed and chill most of the time. Of course I try to reassure her in my best mommy voice that everything's okay and can we please keep eating.

Yesterday, the cool breeze kept blowing in to my delight, and consternation. The blinds in the kitchen kept banging around every time the wind blew, and babykins would startle, stop, look around, and finally go back to eating, over and over again. And of course I would reassure her each time and explain what it was she was so unduly afraid of. Finally, while I was burping her I said, "You don't need to worry, honey. I'll tell you what to be afraid of."

And then it happened. As happens even more often now that I've entered the land of parenthood, where God's voice rings louder than ever, a parallel flashed into my mind, a mind increasingly receptive with increasing life experience. "Do not worry, Janel. Do not be anxious. I will tell you what to be afraid of." Just as I know the blinds banging in the wind is harmless and irrelevant to Annelise, and completely unworthy of her energy, because of my knowledge and maturity compared to hers, so God sees me worrying unnecessarily, expending precious energy on trifles so far beneath my status as His child. Oh that I would listen to His reassuring voice and get on with what matters most.

Mmmm, toys

This week she is relatively cognitively holding toys and, so begins the endless procession, putting them in her mouth! I may not be excited about this in a few months, but I am now.

Just call me Thumbelina

So I have DeQuervain's Tenosynovitis, which is thumb and wrist tendinitis (read, pain) that young mothers often get from picking up their babies etc. I'm not kidding. And so the old adage that you take something for granted until you lose it is wreaking havoc in my daily life.

I had no idea you need your thumbs for virtually every routine activity:

You need your thumbs for turning on the faucet,
twisting a bottle top open (had to wait for Steve to come home),
and catching your baby so she doesn't fall over, plop, on the couch.

You need your thumbs for holding the steering wheel,
opening a Chick-fil-a tub of honey mustard sauce,
and picking up a full water bottle, ouch.

You need your thumbs for grabbing a spit rag to wipe your baby's spit,
grabbing the baby carrier and the diaper bag and another bag,
and basically grabbing anything.

You need your thumbs for cupping your hands to wash your face,
brushing your teeth...
yes, ouch, brushing your teeth!

You need your thumbs for clicking the garage door opener,
laying your baby down in the crib and picking her back up again,
and laying her back down again.

You even need your thumbs to massage your thumbs.

You really need your thumbs for texting,
and for changing the channel,
and, unfortunately, even for typing. So I'll say adieu.

And all that was just yesterday. Thank God for your opposable thumbs today, and use them wisely. You can be sure I'll do the same!

Singing

Every time I put Annelise down for a nap (which, since she's still on a 3-hour schedule, is alot of times in a day), she's all swaddled up in my arms, and we rock, and I sing to her whatever hymn or praise song or little ditty (that maybe my Mommy sang to me) pops into my head. And this week, she started "singing" along. And so did my heart.

Reaching out

Today she reached up to touch (hit actually...kids are so violent these days) the octopus! She's been hitting her "friends" in the bouncer that hang down, and sometimes grabs them and holds on. This is all very exciting when all she could do just a couple weeks ago was stare at them. She hadn't tried to touch anything in her "gym" though until today. Here's a picture to prove it!

An attempt to capture each new thing

So our little girl, Annelise, is growing up so fast (she turned 12 weeks yesterday!), and last week she "woke up" to the world, and started "talking," halfway touching things, and using her killer abs to try to sit up from a reclining position. She did that on the whole walk pictured above. While having an advanced child is of course gratifying, I have to tell her to slow down (and Grandma in Atl echoed with a resounding "cool it") so Mommy can catch up. Can we just be a baby for a little while?

Yes, everything is happening so fast, I don't want to miss a moment of it! Furthermore, I want to capture it all, every toothless smile, every gurgle, every new milestone. I'm going to attempt to do that on this blog, just jot down the new thing of the day...until baby takes over my blog and needs her own (like I'm writing so much about anything at all...).

Today Annelise is noticing her clothes as I'm about to put them on, which to Mommy means she must be able to see color now. Or at least pink. [wink] But this morning I put on a multicolored dress that she caught sight of and stared at, and then later I changed the spit-soaked dress into a bright pink onesie, which she also stared at with great interest. (I decided she's going to need to wear two outfits a day to be able to show off all the adorable hand-me-downs we've been given!)

And yesterday she kicked her feet in the bathtub and splashed for the first time. This is all very exciting!

A little thank you, and a big one

Dear Jason,

Happy New Year! I want to commend one of your employees, Laura Polzin, for her time and attention yesterday. I brought in a 5 year old Powerbook, and she treated it with reverence and me with respect and kindness, and was very attentive while I explained the problem.

After a few minutes, she determined my power adapter to be the problem, not the laptop itself, much to my relief! It seems she had the same laptop years ago and it was her first Mac, so we had that in common.

Anyway, she brought out a new power adapter, and gave me a moment to think about purchasing it. I had just bought a new one two years ago and knew how expensive they are, and was on the phone with my husband discussing the option of looking online for a cheaper one. Laura came back and offered to give me the brand new adapter for free, in exchange for my old broken one, saying she was impressed I still had an older Mac and wanted to make it last as long as possible. I was amazed!! And speechless, and extremely grateful. I could not believe it, and neither could my husband. "She can do that?!" he said.

I left the store floating, and incredulous, and more loyal to Apple than ever. And needless to say, my “PC” husband was also quite impressed. Thank you so much for the generosity of your staff (who hopefully didn’t break any rules ☺), and I ask you to publicly commend Laura for making my day and making yet another diehard loyal Apple customer out of me than I was already!

Thank you very much! Janel



Dear Heavenly Father,

I want to commend your Son for making Himself a "little lower than the angels" to identify with me, for giving me His undivided attention whenever I call on Him, and for being kind and understanding as a Shepherd to His little sheep.

Thank you that He knows me and my problems, and sees beyond my petty weaknesses to my true need for a Savior. He also correctly diagnoses my soul sicknesses and carefully explains to me how to fix them. We have so much in common because He walked this same earth that I do, inhabited this same dying flesh, and He sympathizes with my infirmities.

He presents to me the answer to my biggest problem, and also reveals the price tag, and tells me to consider before purchasing. Then, when this has sunk in somewhat, He says to me "Surprise! It's free. All you have to do is give Me your old broken power source, and I will give you this new one, free of charge." How can this be? Of course I don't want the old one that doesn't even work, and I can't believe You'll give me the New One, this new life, new heart, new body, new power...for FREE! I can barely grasp this, and I can't wait to tell others. "He can do that?!" they will say.

Thank you, Father, for the generosity of Your Son in gladly and freely dispensing the good gift of Himself, and I know that You have exalted Him above all powers and authorities and given Him the Name that is above every name. And I look forward to witnessing that with my own eyes on the Great Day.

Thank you so much! Janel