A Nellie year-in-review

This morning I remembered my verse for 2007. I was so down a year ago, and with good reason. It was the season of "breakup and breakdown." I was heartbroken and body-broken. My first real boyfriend had just broken up with me, and I was so exhausted I missed almost all my Christmas parties, and my doctor could only say "eat better and exercise more."

Life was so depressing as it was, that I needed to believe that things could change, for the better, that God could still do miracles. That He was the God of Surprises. That when my life felt over and the future was like gaping into a black hole (I'll never forget feeling that way), that somewhere God was working in secret, cooking up a surprise for His beloved. So I chose Ephesians 3:20 out of sheer desperation and willed it to be true.

God always fulfills the verse I pick for a new year, often, if not always, with a twist I never expected. I would think the verse meant one thing, but by the end of the year I'd realized a deeper meaning that usually involved less of earthly stuff and whatever I'd wanted it to mean, and more of God and receiving more of Him.

Once again that happened this year. In this very moment actually. I looked at the verse again a second ago and a different set of words stood out to me. Ohhh.... I always focused on the "do far above my hopes and dreams" part. But the Amplified Version says just before that: "is able to carry out His purpose...." Hmm, that is it, isn't it? Not that by trying real hard God can muster up enough might and goodness to bump reality up a few notches above my dreams and desires. But that He has a purpose, and it's already way out in front of my slummy mud-pie dreams, and He is able to bring it to pass. His purpose. And He will!

And He did. He's redeeming my body: I've regained much of my energy, and can't believe how much better I'm feeling (as I recover from adrenal fatigue and low thyroid). And even more exciting, He's redeemed my heart, in the person of my "superabundantly, far over and above" boyfriend Steve. And even more ginormous, He's proved Himself to me yet again, that He is enough and all I need, and if I just hang with Him I'll be okay. He really does give strength for each day...or each shuffle down the metro platform when I thought I was going to faint.

But His purpose is still far above mine. I didn't expect to have to make such radical dietary and work and lifestyle changes or become such an introvert this year. But He's using those changes, those little deaths actually, to set me free from obsession over my weight, over-commitment, basing my worth on performance, and people-pleasing and insecurity. The first time I met Steve, I didn't see in him the "man of my dreams." But he has consistently surprised me with his affectionate ways, uprightness and desire to guard my heart, ability to see and know the real me, openness to saying and hearing whatever needs to be said, sense of humor, willingness to enter my world, desire for accountability and instruction, and...unexpected visits at Christmastime!, etc.

His purpose is to set me free. His purpose is to give me joy. His purpose is to enable me to become what He created me to be.

A few nights ago, our family was watching a Christian "movie" called The Perfect Stranger, where Jesus invites this woman to dinner and over the course of the meal she goes from antagonist to convert. We eventually had to fast-forward because we couldn't handle the cheese. But one thing "Jesus" said has stuck with me ever since: "There's a difference between 'heaven' and 'eternal life.' Heaven is a place. Eternal life is a Person. Heaven is the place where God lives, but eternal life starts when God lives in you.... When Jesus offered eternal life to His followers, He was offering Himself."

If that's God's purpose, and He is able to do it, then I'll take it!

Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]--

To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it). Ephesians 3:20-21, Amplified

p.s.

And an hour later I burned my tongue on the chicken soup. Back to earth for Nellie. I guess we still live in a fallen world afterall.

Thankfulness soup

You know those moments when everything in your life combines just right and for a solid minute your heart is caught up in the praise to God it should feel constantly? Like when the last ingredient gets stirred into the soup and the aroma fills your nose until you can't inhale anymore. And you want to just keep smelling, but it's not the same.

That just happened for me. I'm still in my pajamas, making chicken soup and discovering again how much I like to cook, how therapeutic it is, and getting those fuzzy feelings of well-being every time I chop another carrot or catch a whiff of broth.

As if that wasn't enough to thrill my heart, I got a job today. It's official. I start my office/receptionist job at Eagle Publishing next Monday. I needed another part-time job after nannying comes to a sad end this week (baby's mom's job is ending), and this one is perfect: just afternoons 5 days a week, with nice people and low-stress work, an easy commute and great location (by Union Station), a chance to learn more about publishing and conservative ideals and support an organization I believe in.

The best ingredient in my soup however is the fact that Steve is taking me out to dinner tonight for our six-month (dating) anniversary. He's the best! And God's sweetest surprise of this surprising year.

Add Amy Grant's "Grown Up Christmas List" (while reading The Kite Runner) to the mix, and an extra dash of God's presence, and you have the perfect recipe for happy tears and a thankful heart.