I have a strange relationship with Time. I hope no one else suffers from this constant struggle, but I imagine I am not the only one. I don't think I've actually put it into words in a significant way, but I wonder if the effort might effect some degree of freedom and release. So I will try.
A race. That describes my relationship with Time. (Is it strange to have a relationship with an inanimate object, if in fact that is what Time is?) I never have enough of it. The day is gone way too fast, the week, the month. My list is rarely finished, and in fact has few check marks because of interruptions of others' or my own making. Whenever I'm doing one thing, I feel like I should be doing another.
Of course this robs me of being fully engaged in the moment, of doing something whole-heartedly and thus well, of peace and patience and joy. Not to mention the stress that abides deep in my soul, weighing down my heart, stealing my life.
This problem is complex and deeply rooted (and sounds kind of silly put into words), but I wonder if the cure is simple. First of all, I am fighting a losing battle against Time. When will I give up and learn to live with unfinished tasks, enjoy the process, be satisfied with whatever I "got done" on a given day, rest in God's sovereignty, and...rest in God's sovereignty? I wonder if there the problem lies.
How can I still be dealing with this, even after a two-year rebuke called adrenal fatigue, that taught me so much about slowing down, about "being" vs "doing," about the imperative of rest and how it is not a state of inactivity, but an attitude, a letting go? It's as though as soon as I get much of my energy back, I'm at it again. Taking back control. I was so out of control before, so obviously weak, that it was easier to throw up my hands and not care as much. The depression and helplessness I felt perhaps freed me in some respects, but is that real freedom? Truth be told, I think I still obsessed over how to use my time most wisely, with the things I was still able to do.
That's it: obsessing over using my time most wisely. Most...productively. What is it I'm supposed to be doing? Is this activity worth the time and will it take me where I'm supposed to be going? Where AM I supposed to be going? These are the thoughts that haunt my solitary hours. Not as much when Steve is home, though sometimes. Not when I'm hanging out with friends or doing something scheduled and social (most of the time). But during my "free time," when I am supposed to be making the most of my precious time.
(I think bringing these thoughts to light really is helping, or will.)
Am I OCD? Why can't I just be a simpleton and enjoy the moment and whatever my hand finds to do? Or maybe not a simpleton, but a child. Oh for the joy of a child's "life in the moment"! When did I lose that? Was I any more or less out of God's will then than now? Oh for that childlike faith, the faith to play, the faith to let go, the faith that doesn't even presume it has control and leaves the timeline to Mommy.
But I am a responsible adult, and need to have something to "show" for this time. And I do. But somehow without the obsessing. And the faith that says, "I will do this now because it seems best to me, and I will focus all my energies on it, and I will leave the rest to God." Whatever your hand finds to do, do it wholeheartedly, as unto the Lord.
At the risk of a very long post, I will share some of what I learned, or rather God showed me (Oh help me to learn it, Lord!) yesterday and today. I got a massage yesterday, and it was a reminder to "be kind to myself," as my "Other Mother" told me when I was stressing over my handwriting on our wedding invitations. Her perceptive words found a place in my heart, and I wish I would remember them every day. (Aha, I predict the appearance of a note on the bathroom mirror.) God has put good things all around me. Don't miss them, Janel. Don't rush past them in pursuit of some other "good things" that you think He has.
What is His directive for how to use my time each day? "This is the day that the Lord has made [He controls Time; He has made it and dispenses it to His creation, second by second]: let us be glad and rejoice in it." He is the only god who wants His children happy. Not slaving away to earn their salvation, or replacing Him (what am I really doing? what's really going on in my heart, Lord?) with control, or doubting His ability to direct my path.
Doubt. I guess my basic problem is unbelief (wow, what a revelation). It's all there in Scripture. "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and He delights in his way." Psalm 37:23-24. "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." Proverbs 16:33. "In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:6. I have had these verses hid in my heart for years, but perhaps I need to take them out and meditate on them again. Perhaps I have been "leaning on my own understanding" which naturally happens if I am not constantly renewing my mind with God's truth.
Our Bible study is starting Proverbs this week, and God had some follow-up nuggets to the Lesson of the Massage for me in the second chapter. "...for He guards the course of the just and protects the way of His faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair--every good path." So often He shows me that He is doing this. When some crazy coincidence happens that only a caring and intimate Designer could design. That convinces me I'm in the right place at the right time, doing God's will, doing exactly what He would chose for me to do.
Or maybe He's just blessing me regardless. Maybe I need to sit under Glenn Hoburg again and be reminded that God blesses us because of Jesus, period. The decisions I make with a pure heart, He will bless, even if I make a mistake. Even my mistakes are made right through His redeeming power! "Though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord grasps his hand in support and upholds him." Psalm 37:24. Perhaps I should start living by my life verse: "The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; do not [surely You will not, you can not] forsake the works of Thy hands." Psalm 138:8.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
A week with Frodo
I have been taken to task by a girl in my Bible study for not blogging enough. "I want to know what you're thinking!" she cutely scolded. That and my own inner scolding, plus a week of being sick with the accompanying slow-down and unconscious mental sifting to reveal what's really important, was enough to move me to click the "new post" button just now.
The hardest part is always starting, for me anyway, and the longer I put something off, the more monumental it grows, and the more profound that back-in-the-saddle piece has to be, says the Perfectionist inside.
Thus, I am going to turn the Perfectionist on her head by starting out with some simple observations from my week...on the couch. I was sick all week, as those I've complained to know, with a mysterious sore throat that did not develop into other symptoms, nor would it go away. The doctor said "virus" and "they usually last 5-7 days" which means that the virus germies are either getting stronger and aim to take over the world, or I've just been very lucky for the last 34 years. I've never worked so hard to kill the germs with such slow progress. So, my friends, watch your back.
Of course, one friend had a very bizarre explanation for my symptoms, right Jo?, but I won't weary you married people with that one, as I'm sure you've heard it before.
Now that I've finished (maybe) venting about my sickness, I'll tell you what the couch and I did all week. We watched all three Lord of the Rings movies of course. How I love them! And it was a treat to watch movies during the day. These observations stuck me upon this viewing.
Perseverance. That was how evil was defeated by far-outnumbered and out-sized (as in Frodo's case) good. Perseverance, and a hope that certainly defied reality.
Those who least wanted the power (Aragorn) and responsibility (Frodo) that were fated them, were most fit for the tasks before them. Humility is certainly the precursor for true leadership.
I could not get over how those on the "good side" with the power to force their will--wizard, elf, king-to-be--still allowed men, esp kings, to make their own decisions, and worked within their decisions to bring about victory.
Gandalf uses strong language with his enemies but especially with his friends. "Better is he who rebukes than he who flatters with the tongue..."
Thank God for stories so rich in colorful lessons for the "race of men."
The hardest part is always starting, for me anyway, and the longer I put something off, the more monumental it grows, and the more profound that back-in-the-saddle piece has to be, says the Perfectionist inside.
Thus, I am going to turn the Perfectionist on her head by starting out with some simple observations from my week...on the couch. I was sick all week, as those I've complained to know, with a mysterious sore throat that did not develop into other symptoms, nor would it go away. The doctor said "virus" and "they usually last 5-7 days" which means that the virus germies are either getting stronger and aim to take over the world, or I've just been very lucky for the last 34 years. I've never worked so hard to kill the germs with such slow progress. So, my friends, watch your back.
Of course, one friend had a very bizarre explanation for my symptoms, right Jo?, but I won't weary you married people with that one, as I'm sure you've heard it before.
Now that I've finished (maybe) venting about my sickness, I'll tell you what the couch and I did all week. We watched all three Lord of the Rings movies of course. How I love them! And it was a treat to watch movies during the day. These observations stuck me upon this viewing.
Perseverance. That was how evil was defeated by far-outnumbered and out-sized (as in Frodo's case) good. Perseverance, and a hope that certainly defied reality.
Those who least wanted the power (Aragorn) and responsibility (Frodo) that were fated them, were most fit for the tasks before them. Humility is certainly the precursor for true leadership.
I could not get over how those on the "good side" with the power to force their will--wizard, elf, king-to-be--still allowed men, esp kings, to make their own decisions, and worked within their decisions to bring about victory.
Gandalf uses strong language with his enemies but especially with his friends. "Better is he who rebukes than he who flatters with the tongue..."
Thank God for stories so rich in colorful lessons for the "race of men."
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
wedding recs
I also wanted to make sure to recommend all the major vendors we used for our wedding. They MADE it! And affordably too (as weddings go). Each of them come with my highest recommendations. Spread the word.
Photographer
Jan Graves
703.975.1761
www.janmichele.com
Jan is a personal friend, since we worked together on the Hill five years ago. But she's definitely found her true calling as a photographer. From start to finish, Jan was responsive, patient with all my questions, professional, and so easygoing and fun to work with. Everyone who sees our wedding pictures exclaims, "Great pictures! Great photographer!" and our parents could not be happier with Jan and her work.
Florist
James Cox
202.232.5011
I couldn't say enough about James. He does flowers OUT of this world. And he has no set prices because will totally work with your budget. The amount and variety of flowers he used, many of them rare and costly, and the time and heart he put into each arrangement are unparalleled. Plus he saved us hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars, for the quality he gave us. He works out of the basement of Church of the Holy City on 16th St, so he's able to keep his costs down. He's also a pleasure to work with.
Caterer
Menus by Mary
703.669.6525
God guided my fingers as they "walked" through the caterer phone numbers I had in front of me that day. Mary took hold of the vision for "our fav foods" instantly and made it work within our outrageously low budget. She even added extras along the way, like a lovely wedding cake we could cut and display, and spent more time researching napkins and plates than I would have! She not only was very concerned with making me happy with each little detail, she wanted my parents to be happy as well. And we certainly were.
Wedding Coordinator
Katie Kuperus
I had Katie "locked in" as my wedding coordinator months before Steve even proposed! She was thoroughly organized and helped with ideas and research, meetings at the church, keeping track of finances, and all the myriad details that go into wedding planning. She'd be worth anything she charged. Email me if you're interested in her services.
Makeup
Tanya Curtis
443.739.4629
Tanya was recommended to me by some of Steve's friends since she has her own business doing makeup for brides. At our consultation, she had creative and beautifying ideas, but also listened to my input and preferences. On the morning of the wedding, she was timely, poised, and added a spirit of relaxation. My makeup "stayed put" the whole day and I was thoroughly pleased.
Venue
McLean Presbyterian Church
703.821.0800
www.mcleanpres.org
Available for weddings to members of PCA churches, this newly renovated church building was gorgeous and perfect for our needs, and is relatively affordable for the DC area. The church assigns a wedding and reception hostess to help you. Just make sure you read their Wedding Handbook before you decide to book with them, because there are no exceptions to the rules.
Hotel
Courtyard by Marriott, Tysons Corner VA
Mary Ann Navarrete
703.584.2132
They gave us a great deal at $89 and $109 per night, and threw in some other perks as well if we reached a certain number of rooms. Mary Ann was a delight to work with.
Bridesmaids Tea
Henley Park Hotel, Chinatown area
Megan Showers
202.414.0509
www.henleypark.com
When the original venue for my bridesmaids tea fell through, I called the Henley Park Hotel in desperation, and they were such a breath of fresh air, being professional and friendly get-it-doners. The lower level of their tea room is perfect for parties of 10 or so, and the food/drink was yummy. Ahhh, so lovely and relaxing.
Attire
David's Bridal, Rockville MD
www.davidsbridal.com
I know David's can be hit-or-miss, and many of their locations are ghetto, but Mom and I had a fantastic experience with the Rockville location. Make an appointment to try on dresses during the week, as the weekends are too hectic. We went on a Friday morning; there was only one other bride trying on dresses with me, which added to the fun and valuable input; the staff was responsive; and if you need alterations, Maria with 30 years of experience is your lady. Plus the prices for the quality really are unbeatable. Who needs those stuffy boutiques? (no offense)
Name changing
www.missnowmrs.com
So easy! All you do it pay $30, plug in your information, and print out all the forms you need. Done!
Photographer
Jan Graves
703.975.1761
www.janmichele.com
Jan is a personal friend, since we worked together on the Hill five years ago. But she's definitely found her true calling as a photographer. From start to finish, Jan was responsive, patient with all my questions, professional, and so easygoing and fun to work with. Everyone who sees our wedding pictures exclaims, "Great pictures! Great photographer!" and our parents could not be happier with Jan and her work.
Florist
James Cox
202.232.5011
I couldn't say enough about James. He does flowers OUT of this world. And he has no set prices because will totally work with your budget. The amount and variety of flowers he used, many of them rare and costly, and the time and heart he put into each arrangement are unparalleled. Plus he saved us hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars, for the quality he gave us. He works out of the basement of Church of the Holy City on 16th St, so he's able to keep his costs down. He's also a pleasure to work with.
Caterer
Menus by Mary
703.669.6525
God guided my fingers as they "walked" through the caterer phone numbers I had in front of me that day. Mary took hold of the vision for "our fav foods" instantly and made it work within our outrageously low budget. She even added extras along the way, like a lovely wedding cake we could cut and display, and spent more time researching napkins and plates than I would have! She not only was very concerned with making me happy with each little detail, she wanted my parents to be happy as well. And we certainly were.
Wedding Coordinator
Katie Kuperus
I had Katie "locked in" as my wedding coordinator months before Steve even proposed! She was thoroughly organized and helped with ideas and research, meetings at the church, keeping track of finances, and all the myriad details that go into wedding planning. She'd be worth anything she charged. Email me if you're interested in her services.
Makeup
Tanya Curtis
443.739.4629
Tanya was recommended to me by some of Steve's friends since she has her own business doing makeup for brides. At our consultation, she had creative and beautifying ideas, but also listened to my input and preferences. On the morning of the wedding, she was timely, poised, and added a spirit of relaxation. My makeup "stayed put" the whole day and I was thoroughly pleased.
Venue
McLean Presbyterian Church
703.821.0800
www.mcleanpres.org
Available for weddings to members of PCA churches, this newly renovated church building was gorgeous and perfect for our needs, and is relatively affordable for the DC area. The church assigns a wedding and reception hostess to help you. Just make sure you read their Wedding Handbook before you decide to book with them, because there are no exceptions to the rules.
Hotel
Courtyard by Marriott, Tysons Corner VA
Mary Ann Navarrete
703.584.2132
They gave us a great deal at $89 and $109 per night, and threw in some other perks as well if we reached a certain number of rooms. Mary Ann was a delight to work with.
Bridesmaids Tea
Henley Park Hotel, Chinatown area
Megan Showers
202.414.0509
www.henleypark.com
When the original venue for my bridesmaids tea fell through, I called the Henley Park Hotel in desperation, and they were such a breath of fresh air, being professional and friendly get-it-doners. The lower level of their tea room is perfect for parties of 10 or so, and the food/drink was yummy. Ahhh, so lovely and relaxing.
Attire
David's Bridal, Rockville MD
www.davidsbridal.com
I know David's can be hit-or-miss, and many of their locations are ghetto, but Mom and I had a fantastic experience with the Rockville location. Make an appointment to try on dresses during the week, as the weekends are too hectic. We went on a Friday morning; there was only one other bride trying on dresses with me, which added to the fun and valuable input; the staff was responsive; and if you need alterations, Maria with 30 years of experience is your lady. Plus the prices for the quality really are unbeatable. Who needs those stuffy boutiques? (no offense)
Name changing
www.missnowmrs.com
So easy! All you do it pay $30, plug in your information, and print out all the forms you need. Done!
DC recs
So my old roommate just asked for recommended doctors in DC, and of course after six years, I've found some super ones and am happy to pass them on. Thought I'd let the whole world in on this important info, just in case you or a friend live/work in DC.
Dentist
Dr. Thompson or anyone at
Capitol Dentistry
412 First St SE (near Bullfeathers)
202-863-1600
Everyone's so nice, and they do nifty stuff like measure your gum recession and take pictures so they can track over time...oh wait, TMI : }
GP
Dr. Linda Assatourians
2141 K St NW Ste 606, Washington, DC 20037
202-223-2283
Just really nice and fun, "our age," chatted for half an hour after my apt about life...like a friend
Gyn
Capital Womens Care
2141 K St, Suite 808
202-331-9293
Even the man doctor is very disarming and nice (but there's women docs too)
Eye
My Eye Doctor, in Friendship Heights, right next to the Panera and Chipotle on Willard
Dr. Berry
301-951-3373
Hope this is helpful!
Dentist
Dr. Thompson or anyone at
Capitol Dentistry
412 First St SE (near Bullfeathers)
202-863-1600
Everyone's so nice, and they do nifty stuff like measure your gum recession and take pictures so they can track over time...oh wait, TMI : }
GP
Dr. Linda Assatourians
2141 K St NW Ste 606, Washington, DC 20037
202-223-2283
Just really nice and fun, "our age," chatted for half an hour after my apt about life...like a friend
Gyn
Capital Womens Care
2141 K St, Suite 808
202-331-9293
Even the man doctor is very disarming and nice (but there's women docs too)
Eye
My Eye Doctor, in Friendship Heights, right next to the Panera and Chipotle on Willard
Dr. Berry
301-951-3373
Hope this is helpful!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
"We just got engaged!"
“Working hard. Thinking about u a lot.” Such was the thoughtful text I got from my boyfriend on a particularly mundane day at work two Thursdays ago. Mundane because we weren’t google-chatting every five seconds. This was unusual, but he had told me he had some stuff to get done, and he’d won my trust too well for me to think anything otherwise. Little did I know that what he was working hard on would affect my weekend and my future so drastically.
“Planning of my own. Think you could wait till 1130 for brunch? I'll make it for u.” That was his text to my “whatcha doin?” the following Saturday morning. He said he wanted to get a jump on my birthday and celebrate it with me before my friends and family did later that week. Make me brunch? What better bday gift could there be?? Of course I can wait, especially if you make it for me!
So he drove down from Columbia, paid his respects to the Giant in my basement, and brought up all the fixin’s for a mega-pointage brunch...and flowers, of course. Pink gerbera daisies. That was all too usual for thoughtful Steve.
After a yummy brunch and a couple games of Sequence (the only game I can regularly beat him in), we set out to go ice skating, as I’d been wanting to do all winter. The ice skating rink in the Sculpture Garden on the Mall is small and round, with white lights swooping from lamppost to lamppost all the way around, and they play love songs while you skate. Equals...romantic. The last time I had gone there I was very single, and vowed never to go back alone. Which made being there with Stevo even more special for me.
When we parked the car, he got his backpack out and was carrying it to the rink with us. “I need this for something.” It occurred to me after several blocks that this might be It. There could be a ring in there. Oh but wait, a ring is much to small for a backpack. He would just have it in his pocket. Nope, don’t be silly, Janel. There you go again. It’s only a birthday present.
He took the backpack out on the ice with us, but within minutes the ice nazis were on the loudspeaker reminding the blissfully ignorant crowd that no cameras, cell phones or backpacks were allowed on the ice. Back we went to stash the backpack with Steve’s shoes, out in the open with everyone else’s.
During the zamboni break, I suddenly realized the significance of the neighborhood we were in, as many of our first dates took place around there, and said, “This hood has been good to us.”
After skating, Steve wanted to walk around the Mall a bit. I’m always game for a walk, even in 40-degree weather, and the Mall is one of my favorite places. The sun was setting and we got a picture with the Capitol in the background because, horrors, we didn’t have one of those yet. As we kept walking, and walking, finally Steve
said, “I’m looking for a place to give you something.” It’s a birthday present, Janel. Don’t get any ideas. Birthday.
So we ended up back in the Sculpture Garden, finally found “the right” spot, and Steve whips a 2-page poem out of his backpack and starts reading. It’s entitled “Thirty-two” and in true Stevo style details the past year and our story. It included allusions to our first dates in that “hood” and he pointed them out as he lyricized about them. It was poignant, and funny, and I was crying, and laughing, in turn. But, this could still be a birthday thing, so I still wasn’t sure where he was going. However, the poem climaxed with “Janel, I will never forget when you were a young thirty-two/For it will forever be the age when I first loved you.” And he said “I love you” for the first time. (And so did I!)
Now for the out-of-body moment, the “this can’t be happening to me”/“I’ve waited my whole life for this”/“he’s actually proposing” five seconds of surreality. He kept reading, a third page of prose where he said he believed “God has prepared us and brought us together t
o weather the storms of life and to know His love for us even more.” And then he was fumbling with a (very pretty) ring box and getting down on one knee (I somehow wondered if he would do this, in all my confusion of thoughts and emotions), asking me to marry him. I said yes, but not the way I wanted to. Not with profundity or all the excitement I felt or the grace that should attend such fateful answers. Such is life, right? We were both giggling uncontrollably, and I was crying alternately, and we were perfect in our mutual nervousness and joy and beside-ourselves-ness.
We called my parents, who were ecstatic and had been ready to burst all week. And that’s when Steve told me what he’d been “working so hard on” two days before. He had FLOWN down to Atlanta FOR THE DAY, to talk with my Dad, and I’d seen him that night and had no idea! In fact, he’d gotten back to the office to g-chat a “have a good trip home” before I left the office, as he always did, and I was clueless! My dad had given him some pictures of me growing up, along with an “intelligence test for those wishing to marry Janel Lynn Reid” which consisted of such conundrums as connect-the-dots...with two dots. This was all contained in the now-famous backpack, along with a letter to me from my dad. As if I weren’t crying already...
We got someone to take our picture in front of the ice skating rink at dusk. I hesitated after he took it and then blurted out, “we just got engaged!” He beamed and shook Stevo’s hand. My fiance...my fiance’s hand! (Whaaat???!!!)
We celebrated over hot chocolate in the café there in the garden, and compared stories that we couldn’t tell before. “I thought this...” “I was really doing that...” And I watched my ring sparkle as I tipped my cup.
I love stories with a redemptive theme, and ours is in so many ways. Even down to where we got engaged. Last May, I was supposed to meet Steve and Whitey and Kara for lunch in the Sculpture Garden, but I got randomly sick with a 24-hour bug and was stuck on the couch all day. Instead, almost ten months later, we got engaged in that very spot.
“Planning of my own. Think you could wait till 1130 for brunch? I'll make it for u.” That was his text to my “whatcha doin?” the following Saturday morning. He said he wanted to get a jump on my birthday and celebrate it with me before my friends and family did later that week. Make me brunch? What better bday gift could there be?? Of course I can wait, especially if you make it for me!
So he drove down from Columbia, paid his respects to the Giant in my basement, and brought up all the fixin’s for a mega-pointage brunch...and flowers, of course. Pink gerbera daisies. That was all too usual for thoughtful Steve.
After a yummy brunch and a couple games of Sequence (the only game I can regularly beat him in), we set out to go ice skating, as I’d been wanting to do all winter. The ice skating rink in the Sculpture Garden on the Mall is small and round, with white lights swooping from lamppost to lamppost all the way around, and they play love songs while you skate. Equals...romantic. The last time I had gone there I was very single, and vowed never to go back alone. Which made being there with Stevo even more special for me.
When we parked the car, he got his backpack out and was carrying it to the rink with us. “I need this for something.” It occurred to me after several blocks that this might be It. There could be a ring in there. Oh but wait, a ring is much to small for a backpack. He would just have it in his pocket. Nope, don’t be silly, Janel. There you go again. It’s only a birthday present.
He took the backpack out on the ice with us, but within minutes the ice nazis were on the loudspeaker reminding the blissfully ignorant crowd that no cameras, cell phones or backpacks were allowed on the ice. Back we went to stash the backpack with Steve’s shoes, out in the open with everyone else’s.
During the zamboni break, I suddenly realized the significance of the neighborhood we were in, as many of our first dates took place around there, and said, “This hood has been good to us.”
After skating, Steve wanted to walk around the Mall a bit. I’m always game for a walk, even in 40-degree weather, and the Mall is one of my favorite places. The sun was setting and we got a picture with the Capitol in the background because, horrors, we didn’t have one of those yet. As we kept walking, and walking, finally Steve
said, “I’m looking for a place to give you something.” It’s a birthday present, Janel. Don’t get any ideas. Birthday.So we ended up back in the Sculpture Garden, finally found “the right” spot, and Steve whips a 2-page poem out of his backpack and starts reading. It’s entitled “Thirty-two” and in true Stevo style details the past year and our story. It included allusions to our first dates in that “hood” and he pointed them out as he lyricized about them. It was poignant, and funny, and I was crying, and laughing, in turn. But, this could still be a birthday thing, so I still wasn’t sure where he was going. However, the poem climaxed with “Janel, I will never forget when you were a young thirty-two/For it will forever be the age when I first loved you.” And he said “I love you” for the first time. (And so did I!)
Now for the out-of-body moment, the “this can’t be happening to me”/“I’ve waited my whole life for this”/“he’s actually proposing” five seconds of surreality. He kept reading, a third page of prose where he said he believed “God has prepared us and brought us together t
o weather the storms of life and to know His love for us even more.” And then he was fumbling with a (very pretty) ring box and getting down on one knee (I somehow wondered if he would do this, in all my confusion of thoughts and emotions), asking me to marry him. I said yes, but not the way I wanted to. Not with profundity or all the excitement I felt or the grace that should attend such fateful answers. Such is life, right? We were both giggling uncontrollably, and I was crying alternately, and we were perfect in our mutual nervousness and joy and beside-ourselves-ness.We called my parents, who were ecstatic and had been ready to burst all week. And that’s when Steve told me what he’d been “working so hard on” two days before. He had FLOWN down to Atlanta FOR THE DAY, to talk with my Dad, and I’d seen him that night and had no idea! In fact, he’d gotten back to the office to g-chat a “have a good trip home” before I left the office, as he always did, and I was clueless! My dad had given him some pictures of me growing up, along with an “intelligence test for those wishing to marry Janel Lynn Reid” which consisted of such conundrums as connect-the-dots...with two dots. This was all contained in the now-famous backpack, along with a letter to me from my dad. As if I weren’t crying already...
We got someone to take our picture in front of the ice skating rink at dusk. I hesitated after he took it and then blurted out, “we just got engaged!” He beamed and shook Stevo’s hand. My fiance...my fiance’s hand! (Whaaat???!!!)
We celebrated over hot chocolate in the café there in the garden, and compared stories that we couldn’t tell before. “I thought this...” “I was really doing that...” And I watched my ring sparkle as I tipped my cup.
I love stories with a redemptive theme, and ours is in so many ways. Even down to where we got engaged. Last May, I was supposed to meet Steve and Whitey and Kara for lunch in the Sculpture Garden, but I got randomly sick with a 24-hour bug and was stuck on the couch all day. Instead, almost ten months later, we got engaged in that very spot.
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