[this third and final essay I dedicate to my beloved fellow staff members with
Grace DC]
Select some experience from which you have derived exceptional benefit and describe it, explaining its value to you.
It’s 1:35, and I’m hustling along my favorite strip of Pennsylvania Avenue SE. But its cafes and bookstore and happy lunchtime crowd of Hill staffers is lost on me as I scurry to my appointment, late again.
As I enter the Starbucks on the corner, “our Starbucks” as labeled by me and my coworkers, I breeze past the ever-present line and busy baristas. Up the back stairs I climb to the second floor, and voila, I’m only the third person there. Phew, beat the boss.
It’s that time of the week again, staff meeting.
Staff meetings in my experience have been as varied as the organizations and bosses I have worked for. Often they have been stiff, tedious affairs where only my enjoyment of my coworkers’ individual personalities and my own optimism has kept me coming. Not that I had a choice.
But staff meeting at Starbucks has been different. The church for which I work did not own office space for its first three years of existence, and I and my coworkers officed out of our homes. Where else would we meet but the coffee shop? And what better place would represent the whole staff meeting experience for us?
It was the highlight of my week, and my coworkers became my primary community in DC. We would gather together, banter and laugh, share stories and reports of the workweek or from our personal lives. Our boss would assign books at various times that we would read during the week and discuss together, books about Washington DC or about personal growth. And later we would go over the business at hand.
It was this group of true friends to whom I could voice struggles that I could barely admit to myself. It was to them I went for help and advice and prayer. More Starbucks napkins wiped tears than coffee spills, and that’s saying a lot.
“What stood out to you in this section of the book?” Glenn, my boss would ask, creating a freedom to expound disagreements and insights. This freedom carried over into our prayer time where we could share what was going on in our lives under the surface of efficiency and smiles. Such authenticity on a leadership level trickles down to the entire church congregation, not to mention the healthy staff culture and strong friendships it sustains.
Our Starbucks days are over now that we have office space, but staff meeting and the “coffee shop atmosphere” are going strong. And now that we’re thrown together in the office five days a week, the foundation of respect and openness is showing up in compatibility, equality, and true enjoyment of one another. I may be sick of Starbucks coffee by now, but thanks to their store on Pennsylvania Avenue, I’m by no means sick of my coworkers.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Gift of limits
[this one is ironic, considering it talks about limits and my adrenal fatigue, which very things led to my withdrawal from the College : }]
Choose some book that has been important in shaping and deepening your thoughts. Discuss and develop a single aspect of it (not the book as a whole) that you consider to be particularly significant.
...Among the most influential books I’ve read, The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero is a recent example of a book that changed the way I think and thus live my life. I have adopted it as my “life manifesto” and purposed to reread it regularly. One chapter that was revolutionary for me a year ago when I read it, and has continued to bear fruit in my life in the form of some considerable breakthroughs, is “Principle 4: Receive the Gift of Limits.” It explains how in our desire to help people and make our own lives significant, human nature tends to take responsibility for the people around us beyond our own abilities, schedule, priorities, and even health. And we overextend or misapply who we are and what we are meant to do in this world by trying to prove something, maintain an image, please people, and right all wrongs. In short, we end up playing God by thinking we can “save” ourselves, the people around us, and even the world. We deny our limitations or try to overcome them in our headlong rush to fix everything, not realizing that limitations are a gift to remind us that we cannot fix everything, and are not expected to…and will die trying if we do.
This was a revelation to me a year ago because during the last decade of full-time nonprofit work and volunteer service, I have largely labored out of those misapprehensions. I allowed myself to be controlled by other people’s needs and neediness, instead of deciding what I could give and where to draw the line, and sticking to it. Guilt and fear were among my motivations for service. I compared myself with those around me for my sense of approval and rightness. I sacrificed my body on the altar of whatever I thought, or my boss thought, needed to be done and was the willing subject of Tyrant Urgency.
For someone to tell me it was okay to have limitations, that they were something not simply to be borne but embraced, as a source of peace and direction and dependency on God and others, was radical and refreshing to a weary soul. And I let this truth begin to change my thinking and renew my mind and perspective on life and service. Not only did I start letting myself off the hook and stop trying so hard, but I had the freedom to do the same for others, and allow those around me to fail, be human, be late, be messy, and basically be accountable to God for their lives alone as I was for mine alone. The control freak loosened her grasp.
In recent weeks I have been relearning this lesson, but on a deeper level than a year ago. Although I have made progress in embracing my limitations and letting go, I am now realizing just how extensive and deeply rooted is this tendency throughout my personality and lifetime. I am appalled and amazed. As the oldest child in my family, I tended to overprotect my siblings or take on my parents' burdens that were too heavy for me. My seventh grade birthday party was a flop because I was so worried my friends weren’t having a good time and it was my job to make sure they did. In high school I felt so responsible to be a good example to my peers that reputation management and fear constricted my personality. Even now, I find myself apologizing too often, blaming myself for unmet needs outside my jurisdiction, and rushing around as if the world depended on my perfect and timely execution of everything on my to-do list.
Thus enters upon the stage a limitation enemy turned friend: Janel’s Unconquerable Fatigue of 2006. In searching for remedies and answers for an exhaustion I could not explain or overcome, I started reading The Hidden Link Between Adrenaline and Stress, which surprisingly built upon the principles in The Emotionally Healthy Church. Also surprising is a change in my thinking that it brought about, which strongly influenced me to consider attending college at this season in my life. As arrogant as it sounds, deep down I believed the world “needed” me to stay in full-time nonprofit service because of my contributions to it and its needs. Suddenly I am not only set free to pursue personal enrichment (which will hopefully benefit others someday of course, but not “right now” as Urgency demands), but I see it as necessary to discovering who I am and developing my gifts and proving to myself that the world will get along just fine “without me.” Yes, my well-meaning arrogance is glaringly exposed when I put it like that. And how freeing exposure can be!
Choose some book that has been important in shaping and deepening your thoughts. Discuss and develop a single aspect of it (not the book as a whole) that you consider to be particularly significant.
...Among the most influential books I’ve read, The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero is a recent example of a book that changed the way I think and thus live my life. I have adopted it as my “life manifesto” and purposed to reread it regularly. One chapter that was revolutionary for me a year ago when I read it, and has continued to bear fruit in my life in the form of some considerable breakthroughs, is “Principle 4: Receive the Gift of Limits.” It explains how in our desire to help people and make our own lives significant, human nature tends to take responsibility for the people around us beyond our own abilities, schedule, priorities, and even health. And we overextend or misapply who we are and what we are meant to do in this world by trying to prove something, maintain an image, please people, and right all wrongs. In short, we end up playing God by thinking we can “save” ourselves, the people around us, and even the world. We deny our limitations or try to overcome them in our headlong rush to fix everything, not realizing that limitations are a gift to remind us that we cannot fix everything, and are not expected to…and will die trying if we do.
This was a revelation to me a year ago because during the last decade of full-time nonprofit work and volunteer service, I have largely labored out of those misapprehensions. I allowed myself to be controlled by other people’s needs and neediness, instead of deciding what I could give and where to draw the line, and sticking to it. Guilt and fear were among my motivations for service. I compared myself with those around me for my sense of approval and rightness. I sacrificed my body on the altar of whatever I thought, or my boss thought, needed to be done and was the willing subject of Tyrant Urgency.
For someone to tell me it was okay to have limitations, that they were something not simply to be borne but embraced, as a source of peace and direction and dependency on God and others, was radical and refreshing to a weary soul. And I let this truth begin to change my thinking and renew my mind and perspective on life and service. Not only did I start letting myself off the hook and stop trying so hard, but I had the freedom to do the same for others, and allow those around me to fail, be human, be late, be messy, and basically be accountable to God for their lives alone as I was for mine alone. The control freak loosened her grasp.
In recent weeks I have been relearning this lesson, but on a deeper level than a year ago. Although I have made progress in embracing my limitations and letting go, I am now realizing just how extensive and deeply rooted is this tendency throughout my personality and lifetime. I am appalled and amazed. As the oldest child in my family, I tended to overprotect my siblings or take on my parents' burdens that were too heavy for me. My seventh grade birthday party was a flop because I was so worried my friends weren’t having a good time and it was my job to make sure they did. In high school I felt so responsible to be a good example to my peers that reputation management and fear constricted my personality. Even now, I find myself apologizing too often, blaming myself for unmet needs outside my jurisdiction, and rushing around as if the world depended on my perfect and timely execution of everything on my to-do list.
Thus enters upon the stage a limitation enemy turned friend: Janel’s Unconquerable Fatigue of 2006. In searching for remedies and answers for an exhaustion I could not explain or overcome, I started reading The Hidden Link Between Adrenaline and Stress, which surprisingly built upon the principles in The Emotionally Healthy Church. Also surprising is a change in my thinking that it brought about, which strongly influenced me to consider attending college at this season in my life. As arrogant as it sounds, deep down I believed the world “needed” me to stay in full-time nonprofit service because of my contributions to it and its needs. Suddenly I am not only set free to pursue personal enrichment (which will hopefully benefit others someday of course, but not “right now” as Urgency demands), but I see it as necessary to discovering who I am and developing my gifts and proving to myself that the world will get along just fine “without me.” Yes, my well-meaning arrogance is glaringly exposed when I put it like that. And how freeing exposure can be!
Road less traveled
[reading back over my college application essays from last winter, I realized they tell my story pretty well, and thought I'd stick them on Snatchlings just for kicks. this is the first one.]
Explain in detail why you wish to attend St. John's College; please evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your formal education to date.
First of all, allow me to say thank you for recognizing the pressures inherent to academics and the filling out of applications, and for putting prospective students at ease in saying that perfection is not expected. I find that attitude refreshing, humanizing, and further confirming that St. John’s is uniquely intentional in fostering an atmosphere truly conducive to personal growth and enrichment.
Speaking of unique, I myself would undoubtedly fall into that category. I took “the road less traveled,” and it certainly has made all the difference. In my outlook on life, experiences, relationships, values; most of who I am today, actually. I am thirty-one years old, and have not yet been to college. I have worked for a Georgia State Representative and for a Member of Congress, advised and developed programs for mayors and city leaders on innovative community initiatives, compiled and designed an 80-page book that has been translated into six languages and has sold 85,000 copies worldwide, mentored juvenile delinquents and tutored inner city kids, and helped start a thriving church in the District of Columbia. All without a college degree.
However, I had no idea where my road would take me, and certainly never envisioned the above. I was simply acting on faith and the information I had at the time. Upon graduating from high school, I had been accepted to five good colleges with partial scholarships from each. Nevertheless college tuition would have been a financial strain on my family, since my dad had lost his job the year before, and at that same time my family was becoming involved with a nonprofit organization, which college-aged students were dropping out of college to attend. So I decided to put off college and join this nonprofit program for a year. During that time I was more happy, free, and fulfilled than perhaps ever before. Thus I chose to stay in that program for what turned into eight adventurous, growth-inspiring years.
Several times have I applied to various colleges, and several times have I been accepted only to be suddenly rerouted by the hand of Providence into some unforeseen adventure. In honoring God and His timing for my life, I believe He has honored me by providing enriching relationships and opportunities I would not have had by “following the herd” to college or high-paying jobs, simply because the “herd” was doing it.
However. However. I loved academics in high school, and my Latin teacher was appalled that I wasn’t going to college. Although I received an outstanding high school education, there is so much I want to know about the history of the world, the great minds that shaped it, and the why’s of things. I would originally have majored in English and minored in history, and find that I would still do just that, except that my interests have grown to encompass government, philosophy, psychology, and language. Sometimes I wonder where I am deficient in knowledge my contemporaries may have, and sometimes, honestly, I wonder if I made the right choice that summer out of high school. Most of all, I have a lust for life and learning. While recognizing that the latter comes through infinite media in the world around us over the span of a lifetime, I acknowledge the value of an intense, set-apart season of study and discussion in the universe of the university…as long as that universe is not divorced from the real one.
I do not “need” a degree in the sense that I have gotten along quite well without one for over thirteen years, and do not currently intend to pursue professional or trade certification. However, I need to develop and use my gifts to the fullest. I need to enrich my mind and soul for enrichment’s own sake and for the journey ahead. And suddenly I need to devour great books and write papers and discuss and form opinions and listen and grow and change and become!
St. John’s is both the beginning and the end of that recently-felt need. Its unique curriculum has reignited my passion for learning and will also fulfill it, should I be admitted. Its approach to learning and love for freedom and connection to reality all combine to convince me that perhaps this is what I was meant to wait for. And I trust it will be worth the wait.
Explain in detail why you wish to attend St. John's College; please evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your formal education to date.
First of all, allow me to say thank you for recognizing the pressures inherent to academics and the filling out of applications, and for putting prospective students at ease in saying that perfection is not expected. I find that attitude refreshing, humanizing, and further confirming that St. John’s is uniquely intentional in fostering an atmosphere truly conducive to personal growth and enrichment.
Speaking of unique, I myself would undoubtedly fall into that category. I took “the road less traveled,” and it certainly has made all the difference. In my outlook on life, experiences, relationships, values; most of who I am today, actually. I am thirty-one years old, and have not yet been to college. I have worked for a Georgia State Representative and for a Member of Congress, advised and developed programs for mayors and city leaders on innovative community initiatives, compiled and designed an 80-page book that has been translated into six languages and has sold 85,000 copies worldwide, mentored juvenile delinquents and tutored inner city kids, and helped start a thriving church in the District of Columbia. All without a college degree.
However, I had no idea where my road would take me, and certainly never envisioned the above. I was simply acting on faith and the information I had at the time. Upon graduating from high school, I had been accepted to five good colleges with partial scholarships from each. Nevertheless college tuition would have been a financial strain on my family, since my dad had lost his job the year before, and at that same time my family was becoming involved with a nonprofit organization, which college-aged students were dropping out of college to attend. So I decided to put off college and join this nonprofit program for a year. During that time I was more happy, free, and fulfilled than perhaps ever before. Thus I chose to stay in that program for what turned into eight adventurous, growth-inspiring years.
Several times have I applied to various colleges, and several times have I been accepted only to be suddenly rerouted by the hand of Providence into some unforeseen adventure. In honoring God and His timing for my life, I believe He has honored me by providing enriching relationships and opportunities I would not have had by “following the herd” to college or high-paying jobs, simply because the “herd” was doing it.
However. However. I loved academics in high school, and my Latin teacher was appalled that I wasn’t going to college. Although I received an outstanding high school education, there is so much I want to know about the history of the world, the great minds that shaped it, and the why’s of things. I would originally have majored in English and minored in history, and find that I would still do just that, except that my interests have grown to encompass government, philosophy, psychology, and language. Sometimes I wonder where I am deficient in knowledge my contemporaries may have, and sometimes, honestly, I wonder if I made the right choice that summer out of high school. Most of all, I have a lust for life and learning. While recognizing that the latter comes through infinite media in the world around us over the span of a lifetime, I acknowledge the value of an intense, set-apart season of study and discussion in the universe of the university…as long as that universe is not divorced from the real one.
I do not “need” a degree in the sense that I have gotten along quite well without one for over thirteen years, and do not currently intend to pursue professional or trade certification. However, I need to develop and use my gifts to the fullest. I need to enrich my mind and soul for enrichment’s own sake and for the journey ahead. And suddenly I need to devour great books and write papers and discuss and form opinions and listen and grow and change and become!
St. John’s is both the beginning and the end of that recently-felt need. Its unique curriculum has reignited my passion for learning and will also fulfill it, should I be admitted. Its approach to learning and love for freedom and connection to reality all combine to convince me that perhaps this is what I was meant to wait for. And I trust it will be worth the wait.
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