Christmas card 2022: Moving mountains

“Nothing will be impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37)

“All things are possible for one who believes.” (Mark 9:23)

“Have faith in God….” (Mark 11:22)

At age 2½ a strange rash appeared on a chubby little thigh, just as the twins were starting to sleep thru the night. (Yes, two and a half years of not sleeping, times two.)

Hands full...

The rash was bumpy and itchy, and would not go away. It did not respond to the natural remedies that worked for everything else, and responded only temporarily to supplements and diet changes.

A year later, it suddenly spread to her whole body. I remember sitting at the dinner table silently aghast and helpless as it kept spreading daily over my baby’s skin, til she was bumpy from head to toe within a week’s time.

We took her to a dermatologist, who wasn’t helpful with diagnosis or cause, but who prescribed an antibiotic, steroid cream, and antihistamine. A subsequent visit to our holistic doctor and prayer guided us toward a little steroid cream to get the rash under control, and keeping her on antihistamine for what turned out to be a year, while we continued to search for the cause and use natural health supports.

The rash would wax and wane but never cleared up and was itchy and disruptive. Also during those preschool years she was a little volcano of anger and tantrums.

Always been a character, that one

We knew that symptoms always have a cause, that her body was merely reflecting externally some big problem on the inside. We did a lot of work on her gut during those years, and even though it didn’t clear up the rash, she became much more peaceful and emotionally balanced. In fact, her personality changed quite drastically for the better.

Why didn’t we use more steroid cream indefinitely, you may be asking? Because a dear friend’s son had an even worse horrible rash and after months on steroid cream, his rash exploded into TSA, toxic steroid addiction. (Please educate yourself on this hellacious condition before trying steroid cream.)

Precious sweeties

In the fall of 2017, at age 5, her skin started going downhill again, and within a month or two, the rash had blown up into a weepy, oozy, purple mess. We couldn’t leave her alone for an instant, lest she scratch her legs at all. At bedtime we would read Richard Scary or Uncle Wiggly books to her, constantly distracting her from itching til she fell asleep, a 1-2 hour process every evening. Then in the night we'd awaken to her calling and jump out of bed with heart pounding, bolt down the hall to her room, and sit or kneel for hours by her bed, rubbing her legs and trying to satisfy the itch enough for her to fall back to sleep, with lots of reluctant screen time as our only way to distract her from the torturous itch.

We couldn’t do much at Christmas that year, and I remember trying to take a walk to get out of the house, but the poor babe couldn’t even bend her leg, it was so swollen. She was incredibly patient and long-suffering through all of this, displaying a self-control most grownups couldn’t muster, and with supernatural joy and peace. (And her sisters were amazingly supportive and helpful.)

In desperation I started the GAPS diet with her, then put her twin on it too when I realized the skin rash she’d had on her face that year actually looked alot like Cora’s. Yikes, was this mysterious malady spreading through the family? (A few months later I put Annelise on the diet too, and within a day she was suddenly much happier and at peace, and along with switching from mouth- to nasal-breathing at night, she finally started reading at the end of 2nd grade! Oh the power of food. But she’s another story.)

Supa soupa

2018 was the year from you-know-where. We sank to the very bottom of the pit and dragged ourselves through the muck. With the guidance we had, I started a protocol with Cora that had me busy from dawn to dusk between her protocol and cooking every bite of food from scratch with a handful of GAPS ingredients. Then from dusk to dawn we were helping her through the night. We all had strange symptoms that year and kept researching and trying different “interesting” things which helped to varying degrees.

I had to admit months later that when I was trying my hardest, our sweetie was actually at her worst. It’s so hard to know if someone is detoxing or getting worse. Turned out that our protocol was way too much for her little body. But God rescued both of us:

We’d asked several of you to pray daily with us for Cora for 40 days. Day 9 of those 40 days, we found a doctor who had experience in what we thought at that time was the root cause. She had me stop the protocol I was doing and gave us one simple thing to do. What a burden lifted! The specialized blend of Chinese herbs tasted terrible to Cora and I had to do jumping jacks to get her to down the brew twice a day, but it helped. And slowly she started to improve.

We had no life that year, and homeschool kindergarten was greatly interrupted by itchy attacks. (Though thank God we could homeschool and try to keep her comfortable!) And we were inside the house all summer because both the heat and chlorine were triggers, along with spring and summer allergens.

Mmm, lotsa fresh food

But the most amazing thing that happened during those 40 days was that Cora was saved! We’d talked several times during her little years, at her own prompting and questions, about Jesus dying for her sins, and how we need to repent of our sin and receive God’s forgiveness through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. But this time she was ready, and initiated a desire to pray and receive His free gift of eternal life! All three girls have come to Christ at an early age, and we are always cautious to watch for fruit and a changed heart afterward. But we rejoiced in the midst of such a hard year of physical sickness, that God reached down and healed her heart of sin and made her a new creation in Christ for all eternity, which is infinitely more important.

That Thanksgiving I had a dream that I was clinging to a cliff made of sand, almost straight up, trying desperately to climb to the top which seemed close by, but clutching at the sand and sliding to my peril, unable to get a firm hold. I woke up in a panic and realized that’s exactly how I’d felt all year.

We’d become afraid of everything, and I finally realized that fear doesn’t ever stop on its own. It will keep coming and box you into a corner, and then keep coming til its claws are around your neck. Only I could stop the fear, only I could push it back and take baby steps of risk to test the untried ground and find it firm. And slowly we started doing that. (more about victory over fear)

In 2019 we were still in survival mode, pretty isolated, and working on Cora’s health and the kids’ myofunctional health. I was learning how emotions impact health and discovered that fun was important and healing to Cora’s personality type, so we started getting out more. The kids got to play a season of basketball at our church, which felt like a miracle. But all the while, our family was held captive by this rash. We just could not get on top of life without another wave slapping us down again. (I know some of you are at this place in your own lives, or have recently been there.)

Go White!

We had just started to emerge in earnest when covid lockdowns hit. That’s another story of course, but it was amazing how all our years of sickness had actually prepared us for covid. We knew how to be sick! We knew what to do and what remedies worked for us and mostly how to lean on the Lord and ask Him for everything and watch Him pull us through, time and again. We didn’t have to fear sickness, which was so freeing. And we’d just been isolated for years and weren’t going back there. We knew that wasn’t a long-term solution for any malady. Ironically, home was the last place we should have been...but that had not been revealed to us yet.

So after almost seven years of searching for the root cause—and as many doctors—and countless dollars and hours of sacrificial serving of one another and serving our Lord (oh, but what treasure in heaven we laid up for ourselves by His power!), the rash was still there.

But our hearts were completely changed. (Sniff…)

These transforming truths were burned by the fiery trial into the fibers of our weary but renewed hearts and minds...

God is merciful: I was kneeling in a fetal position of desperation, face in the carpet, begging God to keep Annelise from throwing up. She had the stomach bug which was her arch-nemisis...and the only thing bad enough to pluck me from Cora’s bedside that night. I was begging God from the depths of despair and desperation—and suddenly a ray of light shone into my heart: God is merciful. There’s hope. It was like the prodigal son when he came to his senses. God is not waiting for me to do it perfectly, to get it just right. He’s waiting for me to realize I never can, and fall on His mercy. And His ability. He answered my prayer that night, and that was a turning point of revelation in our journey.

Pray without ceasing: The GAPS diet taught me to ask God for help with literally everything. I’d open the fridge, stare blankly at the contents, and say, “Lord, the kids are hungry again, and I don’t know what to feed them. Show me what to feed them.” And every time, He would! And together, me and Jesus would whip up some concoction to fill their little tummies with nourishing food.

“Only God is good” (Luke 18:19): I can’t help anyone. I am totally bankrupt in myself. We learn about the depravity of man in the Bible and Sunday School, but I came to a place of utter despair in my ability to help anyone, save anyone, do any good on my own. “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh” (Romans 7:18). Only God is good. Only He can help anyone, save anyone, heal anyone. The best I can do is be an empty, free-flowing channel of His Holy Spirit of power and kindness and love. This was huge and surprisingly freeing death-to-self for my yellow personality, which is motivated by helping others. And for my savior mentality, since Christ is the world’s only Savior, and “it is finished.”

Knowledge comes from God alone: “For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding…” (Proverbs 2:6). I can’t figure anything out on my own. I can stew and process and do mental gymnastics, but I will never find the solution, the answer, the root cause. Knowledge comes only by revelation of God. He is its keeper, and He dispenses it at His will. He expects me to use my brain and pray through problems and process them with Him. But only He can reveal knowledge when the time is right. And I can simply look to my Father and ask.

It’s the TRUTH that sets us free: Last fall, the Lord led us to a new doctor through a “random” conversation. He wanted Cora to take a test for mold toxicity just to rule out that possibility. While I was assisting her with the test, I was tempted to help her fudge one of her answers. And in that moment the real test happened in my heart: you can manipulate the results to be what you want them to be, Janel, or you can pursue the truth. And by God’s grace, in that split second chasm between light and darkness, I chose the truth. Even if it’s ugly. Even if it’s inconvenient. Even if it involves a lot of work and upheaval. Even if it disproves my hypotheses. Just the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

And so, in His beautiful time, He did reveal the truth to us. She did have mold toxicity, and we did have mold in our basement. We’d done airborne tests before that proved fine, and even after the inspector found the yellowish spots on the walls of the unfinished part of our basement, the air test was still fine. But Steve felt strongly that we should get Cora out of the house for an extended period of time and see what happened (and when Steve feels strongly, I listen). So since we’d been impressed by the freedom in Florida and knew the beach was good for skin, we spent two weeks in St. Augustine, two weeks in Navarre Beach, and two weeks outside Tampa in February and March. The Lord was gracious to provide, and the kids’ homeschool-tutorial school bent over backward to flex with us.

As we were preparing to leave I had no idea what would happen. Cora had had a bad year and by winter she was itchy throughout the day, making schoolwork almost impossible, and frequent distraction necessary. Her legs were the usual scaly, scabby mess. And Steve spent hours sitting in her room every night til she fell asleep (this man!!! his patience and long-suffering and uncomplaining dependability for 7 long years puts him right up there with Job). I had no idea what God would do, but I knew He was leading us and was carrying the burden we’d staggered under for so long, and we were simply following our Shepherd. “I’m so curious what You’re going to do, Lord,” I’d say while packing, as the kids chased Cora around the house helping her not to scratch.

We could barely pack, she was so itchy all day long. But the day we got in the car, she was fine. One itchy attack in the car, and lots of itchies that first night. But the next day on the road she was fine. And the following day we got out on the beach, and braved strong winds and rain pellets with staunch seagulls, giddy and silly and splashing around. (“Northerners at the beach,” they must have muttered to themselves.)

And slowly, our Creator and His beautiful creation—the salt water and fresh air and sunshine and grounding sand—did their work. I took pictures of progress, but hardly dared think about the miracle that was happening, so practiced were we at staying calm and downplaying emergencies, and so numb were we after so many ups and downs.

But by the end of 6 weeks, no one could dispute that her skin had almost completely cleared up! I still can’t believe it.

Sigh. And then we had to go home, which honestly required bigger faith than to leave. Once again, we had no idea what would happen, and were simply trusting God and taking the next step. Steve ripped up the basement (understatement) and then we moved Cora back into our house, and for a few days she was fine. But then her skin started going downhill, and so fast that we had to get her back out of the house immediately.

So began the pivotal few months on which our destiny hung.

Long story short, we got out all the mold, but she continued to react. I think she simply got too sensitized to that house, having lived there her entire life. And could this explain why all of us had been unwell for years? It was a strange process of transition to discern God’s will through these circumstances, to keep taking the next small step, and the next, and the next, which led us to the enormous step of deciding to sell the house and move to FL...and telling the kids, and Steve’s parents, and our close friends.

The day after school was over, we were in the car to get those little worsened legs back to FL. And to find a house to rent. We had decided to move to Jacksonville for several reasons, but we hadn’t actually been to Jacksonville. Only St. Augustine, 45 minutes south. But God confirmed our hunch by giving us the most abundantly fun and fruitful time in Jax those 10 days in June. The only problem was, we couldn’t find the right house to rent, and drove back to MD...without a house! But wait, the house is of the utmost importance since we were moving because we couldn’t live in our MD house. And we had to walk through our rental in person to make sure it was safe for Cora. Yet another huge test of faith and more lessons to learn, with yet another story of the Lord providing a house in a miraculous way as only He can!

I packed up all our possessions (minus the kids’ rooms which they packed themselves!) despite bouts of sickness, and Steve accomplished superhuman painting and construction projects to ready the house for sale. (Oh, and did I mention that God had provided a realtor two doors down the street?: our neighbor who sold his own house—the week we returned in March—in five days for gobs over asking price.)

It’s amazing to look back and see how God worked out every detail, and gave us the strength and stamina to accomplish His plan. “Many hardships and perplexing circumstances confront the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all” (Psalm 34:19). We were moving to Florida! It was so exciting. Even on the long drive down on July 25, when we didn't leave til 11 AM because we were still clearing out the house and selling stuff on craigslist, and we could barely move in the packed car. So much stuff...so many adventures. And once again, the day we got in the car, Cora stopped itching.

So here we are. And we love it! We are absolutely flabbergasted by God’s abundant provision for us! Our church (gracejax.org) is “exceeding abundant beyond our expectation.” Everything—the preaching and teaching, the fellowship and serving—is truly centered around the Word of God. The focus is on shepherding the Body of Christ, equipping men to think Biblically, and practicing the “one another” commands of the New Testament with truth and kindness. We love our new friends! And do Nature Club and field trips with a group of them.

For school, the Lord led us into a Classical Conversations community which we are also loving! I never foresaw doing CC, but I’m surprised what a perfect fit it is for us during this season. Annelise adores her Challenge A class and is tackling her big science project. And the twins sing the Timeline song morning, noon, night, and in the shower. (And I sing clips in my sleep.) I’m learning so much history and English along with them, and enjoying our new friendships. The Lord landed us in an incredible group!

We love living 15 minutes from the beach—an outdoor activity we can each enjoy as a family, refreshing to body and soul. We love our screen porch and walking/skating/biking around the pond and wearing shorts in November! The kids are taking tennis lessons, and enjoying Adventure Club and youth group on Wednesday nights (while Steve and I get a “date” picking up groceries and walking around the park). [Contented sigh]...God has been very kind to us!

We miss family and friends in Maryland, but have been able to go back twice already for ortho appointments and to spend quality time with them. We continue to thank God for Steve’s flexible job where he can work remotely from anywhere.

Wait, why did we move down here? Oh yeah, for the miracle that keeps us pinching ourselves—it just seems too good to be true, and yet so normal and right. After “dutifully” going to the beach every chance we got and simply enjoying living in this blessed state and breathing the fresh air that blows across this peninsula, Cora’s skin gradually cleared up again and has been completely clear for weeks. She can focus on her schoolwork now, and sleep much better. Furthermore, God has provided the ideal health practitioner to help each of us recover from life and, Lord willing, achieve a level of wellness that will allow for greater service and community. We have a long way to go, in every way, but we're so thankful for the Holy Spirit's work in our bodies and souls.

He could have healed her any way He wanted to. But He chose a way we never could have imagined. And He could have moved us to FL any way He wanted to, but He chose to do it in this unique and memorable way. There's still an element of mystery to all of this...but we walk by faith, not by sight.

Why are we telling you all this?? To add yet one more testimony, one more psalm of praise, one more triumphant shout to the reverberating cacophony of the ages: GOD IS FAITHFUL!! He gave us what we needed every single day of our trial, and every single night. And our health and life are entirely in His hands.

My biggest (and sweetest) memory is of kneeling by Cora’s bed on the hardwood floor that Steve painstakingly put in for her, in the utter darkness of night, spent beyond all comparison, after she’d finally fallen back to sleep...caught up in ecstatic praise to God through the worship music that got us through those nights. (Hidden in My Heart, vol. I-III) And also watching her grow in character and spiritual maturity and love for Jesus through this trial.

This account is just a drop in the bucket of all that happened. And a drop in the ocean of all that God did!

Our all-wise Father shepherded and parented all five of us through this gift of a trial. Our loving Master pruned our branches in order to bring forth much fruit for His glory (John 15). We started really tasting that fruit—deep and soul-satifying—that year we were at our lowest. Our hearts were being softened and transformed, we enjoyed more peace and joy, and Jesus set us apart from the culture and drew us close to His heart.

“For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many." (II Corinthians 1:8-11)

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (II Corinthians 12:9)

Thanks soo much for your prayers (that got us through) and your friendship!

Love, 

Janel, Steve, Annelise, Evelyn, and Cora

PS. Please come visit or let us know if you're ever in the Jacksonville area or passing through
on 95!

 

Our Christmas card in 2018...He gave us the faith to believe the impossible & later fulfilled it!