Christmas card 2022: Moving mountains

“Nothing will be impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37)

“All things are possible for one who believes.” (Mark 9:23)

“Have faith in God….” (Mark 11:22)

At age 2½ a strange rash appeared on a chubby little thigh, just as the twins were starting to sleep thru the night. (Yes, two and a half years of not sleeping, times two.)

Hands full...

The rash was bumpy and itchy, and would not go away. It did not respond to the natural remedies that worked for everything else, and responded only temporarily to supplements and diet changes.

A year later, it suddenly spread to her whole body. I remember sitting at the dinner table silently aghast and helpless as it kept spreading daily over my baby’s skin, til she was bumpy from head to toe within a week’s time.

We took her to a dermatologist, who wasn’t helpful with diagnosis or cause, but who prescribed an antibiotic, steroid cream, and antihistamine. A subsequent visit to our holistic doctor and prayer guided us toward a little steroid cream to get the rash under control, and keeping her on antihistamine for what turned out to be a year, while we continued to search for the cause and use natural health supports.

The rash would wax and wane but never cleared up and was itchy and disruptive. Also during those preschool years she was a little volcano of anger and tantrums.

Always been a character, that one

We knew that symptoms always have a cause, that her body was merely reflecting externally some big problem on the inside. We did a lot of work on her gut during those years, and even though it didn’t clear up the rash, she became much more peaceful and emotionally balanced. In fact, her personality changed quite drastically for the better.

Why didn’t we use more steroid cream indefinitely, you may be asking? Because a dear friend’s son had an even worse horrible rash and after months on steroid cream, his rash exploded into TSA, toxic steroid addiction. (Please educate yourself on this hellacious condition before trying steroid cream.)

Precious sweeties

In the fall of 2017, at age 5, her skin started going downhill again, and within a month or two, the rash had blown up into a weepy, oozy, purple mess. We couldn’t leave her alone for an instant, lest she scratch her legs at all. At bedtime we would read Richard Scary or Uncle Wiggly books to her, constantly distracting her from itching til she fell asleep, a 1-2 hour process every evening. Then in the night we'd awaken to her calling and jump out of bed with heart pounding, bolt down the hall to her room, and sit or kneel for hours by her bed, rubbing her legs and trying to satisfy the itch enough for her to fall back to sleep, with lots of reluctant screen time as our only way to distract her from the torturous itch.

We couldn’t do much at Christmas that year, and I remember trying to take a walk to get out of the house, but the poor babe couldn’t even bend her leg, it was so swollen. She was incredibly patient and long-suffering through all of this, displaying a self-control most grownups couldn’t muster, and with supernatural joy and peace. (And her sisters were amazingly supportive and helpful.)

In desperation I started the GAPS diet with her, then put her twin on it too when I realized the skin rash she’d had on her face that year actually looked alot like Cora’s. Yikes, was this mysterious malady spreading through the family? (A few months later I put Annelise on the diet too, and within a day she was suddenly much happier and at peace, and along with switching from mouth- to nasal-breathing at night, she finally started reading at the end of 2nd grade! Oh the power of food. But she’s another story.)

Supa soupa

2018 was the year from you-know-where. We sank to the very bottom of the pit and dragged ourselves through the muck. With the guidance we had, I started a protocol with Cora that had me busy from dawn to dusk between her protocol and cooking every bite of food from scratch with a handful of GAPS ingredients. Then from dusk to dawn we were helping her through the night. We all had strange symptoms that year and kept researching and trying different “interesting” things which helped to varying degrees.

I had to admit months later that when I was trying my hardest, our sweetie was actually at her worst. It’s so hard to know if someone is detoxing or getting worse. Turned out that our protocol was way too much for her little body. But God rescued both of us:

We’d asked several of you to pray daily with us for Cora for 40 days. Day 9 of those 40 days, we found a doctor who had experience in what we thought at that time was the root cause. She had me stop the protocol I was doing and gave us one simple thing to do. What a burden lifted! The specialized blend of Chinese herbs tasted terrible to Cora and I had to do jumping jacks to get her to down the brew twice a day, but it helped. And slowly she started to improve.

We had no life that year, and homeschool kindergarten was greatly interrupted by itchy attacks. (Though thank God we could homeschool and try to keep her comfortable!) And we were inside the house all summer because both the heat and chlorine were triggers, along with spring and summer allergens.

Mmm, lotsa fresh food

But the most amazing thing that happened during those 40 days was that Cora was saved! We’d talked several times during her little years, at her own prompting and questions, about Jesus dying for her sins, and how we need to repent of our sin and receive God’s forgiveness through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. But this time she was ready, and initiated a desire to pray and receive His free gift of eternal life! All three girls have come to Christ at an early age, and we are always cautious to watch for fruit and a changed heart afterward. But we rejoiced in the midst of such a hard year of physical sickness, that God reached down and healed her heart of sin and made her a new creation in Christ for all eternity, which is infinitely more important.

That Thanksgiving I had a dream that I was clinging to a cliff made of sand, almost straight up, trying desperately to climb to the top which seemed close by, but clutching at the sand and sliding to my peril, unable to get a firm hold. I woke up in a panic and realized that’s exactly how I’d felt all year.

We’d become afraid of everything, and I finally realized that fear doesn’t ever stop on its own. It will keep coming and box you into a corner, and then keep coming til its claws are around your neck. Only I could stop the fear, only I could push it back and take baby steps of risk to test the untried ground and find it firm. And slowly we started doing that. (more about victory over fear)

In 2019 we were still in survival mode, pretty isolated, and working on Cora’s health and the kids’ myofunctional health. I was learning how emotions impact health and discovered that fun was important and healing to Cora’s personality type, so we started getting out more. The kids got to play a season of basketball at our church, which felt like a miracle. But all the while, our family was held captive by this rash. We just could not get on top of life without another wave slapping us down again. (I know some of you are at this place in your own lives, or have recently been there.)

Go White!

We had just started to emerge in earnest when covid lockdowns hit. That’s another story of course, but it was amazing how all our years of sickness had actually prepared us for covid. We knew how to be sick! We knew what to do and what remedies worked for us and mostly how to lean on the Lord and ask Him for everything and watch Him pull us through, time and again. We didn’t have to fear sickness, which was so freeing. And we’d just been isolated for years and weren’t going back there. We knew that wasn’t a long-term solution for any malady. Ironically, home was the last place we should have been...but that had not been revealed to us yet.

So after almost seven years of searching for the root cause—and as many doctors—and countless dollars and hours of sacrificial serving of one another and serving our Lord (oh, but what treasure in heaven we laid up for ourselves by His power!), the rash was still there.

But our hearts were completely changed. (Sniff…)

These transforming truths were burned by the fiery trial into the fibers of our weary but renewed hearts and minds...

God is merciful: I was kneeling in a fetal position of desperation, face in the carpet, begging God to keep Annelise from throwing up. She had the stomach bug which was her arch-nemisis...and the only thing bad enough to pluck me from Cora’s bedside that night. I was begging God from the depths of despair and desperation—and suddenly a ray of light shone into my heart: God is merciful. There’s hope. It was like the prodigal son when he came to his senses. God is not waiting for me to do it perfectly, to get it just right. He’s waiting for me to realize I never can, and fall on His mercy. And His ability. He answered my prayer that night, and that was a turning point of revelation in our journey.

Pray without ceasing: The GAPS diet taught me to ask God for help with literally everything. I’d open the fridge, stare blankly at the contents, and say, “Lord, the kids are hungry again, and I don’t know what to feed them. Show me what to feed them.” And every time, He would! And together, me and Jesus would whip up some concoction to fill their little tummies with nourishing food.

“Only God is good” (Luke 18:19): I can’t help anyone. I am totally bankrupt in myself. We learn about the depravity of man in the Bible and Sunday School, but I came to a place of utter despair in my ability to help anyone, save anyone, do any good on my own. “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh” (Romans 7:18). Only God is good. Only He can help anyone, save anyone, heal anyone. The best I can do is be an empty, free-flowing channel of His Holy Spirit of power and kindness and love. This was huge and surprisingly freeing death-to-self for my yellow personality, which is motivated by helping others. And for my savior mentality, since Christ is the world’s only Savior, and “it is finished.”

Knowledge comes from God alone: “For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding…” (Proverbs 2:6). I can’t figure anything out on my own. I can stew and process and do mental gymnastics, but I will never find the solution, the answer, the root cause. Knowledge comes only by revelation of God. He is its keeper, and He dispenses it at His will. He expects me to use my brain and pray through problems and process them with Him. But only He can reveal knowledge when the time is right. And I can simply look to my Father and ask.

It’s the TRUTH that sets us free: Last fall, the Lord led us to a new doctor through a “random” conversation. He wanted Cora to take a test for mold toxicity just to rule out that possibility. While I was assisting her with the test, I was tempted to help her fudge one of her answers. And in that moment the real test happened in my heart: you can manipulate the results to be what you want them to be, Janel, or you can pursue the truth. And by God’s grace, in that split second chasm between light and darkness, I chose the truth. Even if it’s ugly. Even if it’s inconvenient. Even if it involves a lot of work and upheaval. Even if it disproves my hypotheses. Just the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

And so, in His beautiful time, He did reveal the truth to us. She did have mold toxicity, and we did have mold in our basement. We’d done airborne tests before that proved fine, and even after the inspector found the yellowish spots on the walls of the unfinished part of our basement, the air test was still fine. But Steve felt strongly that we should get Cora out of the house for an extended period of time and see what happened (and when Steve feels strongly, I listen). So since we’d been impressed by the freedom in Florida and knew the beach was good for skin, we spent two weeks in St. Augustine, two weeks in Navarre Beach, and two weeks outside Tampa in February and March. The Lord was gracious to provide, and the kids’ homeschool-tutorial school bent over backward to flex with us.

As we were preparing to leave I had no idea what would happen. Cora had had a bad year and by winter she was itchy throughout the day, making schoolwork almost impossible, and frequent distraction necessary. Her legs were the usual scaly, scabby mess. And Steve spent hours sitting in her room every night til she fell asleep (this man!!! his patience and long-suffering and uncomplaining dependability for 7 long years puts him right up there with Job). I had no idea what God would do, but I knew He was leading us and was carrying the burden we’d staggered under for so long, and we were simply following our Shepherd. “I’m so curious what You’re going to do, Lord,” I’d say while packing, as the kids chased Cora around the house helping her not to scratch.

We could barely pack, she was so itchy all day long. But the day we got in the car, she was fine. One itchy attack in the car, and lots of itchies that first night. But the next day on the road she was fine. And the following day we got out on the beach, and braved strong winds and rain pellets with staunch seagulls, giddy and silly and splashing around. (“Northerners at the beach,” they must have muttered to themselves.)

And slowly, our Creator and His beautiful creation—the salt water and fresh air and sunshine and grounding sand—did their work. I took pictures of progress, but hardly dared think about the miracle that was happening, so practiced were we at staying calm and downplaying emergencies, and so numb were we after so many ups and downs.

But by the end of 6 weeks, no one could dispute that her skin had almost completely cleared up! I still can’t believe it.

Sigh. And then we had to go home, which honestly required bigger faith than to leave. Once again, we had no idea what would happen, and were simply trusting God and taking the next step. Steve ripped up the basement (understatement) and then we moved Cora back into our house, and for a few days she was fine. But then her skin started going downhill, and so fast that we had to get her back out of the house immediately.

So began the pivotal few months on which our destiny hung.

Long story short, we got out all the mold, but she continued to react. I think she simply got too sensitized to that house, having lived there her entire life. And could this explain why all of us had been unwell for years? It was a strange process of transition to discern God’s will through these circumstances, to keep taking the next small step, and the next, and the next, which led us to the enormous step of deciding to sell the house and move to FL...and telling the kids, and Steve’s parents, and our close friends.

The day after school was over, we were in the car to get those little worsened legs back to FL. And to find a house to rent. We had decided to move to Jacksonville for several reasons, but we hadn’t actually been to Jacksonville. Only St. Augustine, 45 minutes south. But God confirmed our hunch by giving us the most abundantly fun and fruitful time in Jax those 10 days in June. The only problem was, we couldn’t find the right house to rent, and drove back to MD...without a house! But wait, the house is of the utmost importance since we were moving because we couldn’t live in our MD house. And we had to walk through our rental in person to make sure it was safe for Cora. Yet another huge test of faith and more lessons to learn, with yet another story of the Lord providing a house in a miraculous way as only He can!

I packed up all our possessions (minus the kids’ rooms which they packed themselves!) despite bouts of sickness, and Steve accomplished superhuman painting and construction projects to ready the house for sale. (Oh, and did I mention that God had provided a realtor two doors down the street?: our neighbor who sold his own house—the week we returned in March—in five days for gobs over asking price.)

It’s amazing to look back and see how God worked out every detail, and gave us the strength and stamina to accomplish His plan. “Many hardships and perplexing circumstances confront the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all” (Psalm 34:19). We were moving to Florida! It was so exciting. Even on the long drive down on July 25, when we didn't leave til 11 AM because we were still clearing out the house and selling stuff on craigslist, and we could barely move in the packed car. So much stuff...so many adventures. And once again, the day we got in the car, Cora stopped itching.

So here we are. And we love it! We are absolutely flabbergasted by God’s abundant provision for us! Our church (gracejax.org) is “exceeding abundant beyond our expectation.” Everything—the preaching and teaching, the fellowship and serving—is truly centered around the Word of God. The focus is on shepherding the Body of Christ, equipping men to think Biblically, and practicing the “one another” commands of the New Testament with truth and kindness. We love our new friends! And do Nature Club and field trips with a group of them.

For school, the Lord led us into a Classical Conversations community which we are also loving! I never foresaw doing CC, but I’m surprised what a perfect fit it is for us during this season. Annelise adores her Challenge A class and is tackling her big science project. And the twins sing the Timeline song morning, noon, night, and in the shower. (And I sing clips in my sleep.) I’m learning so much history and English along with them, and enjoying our new friendships. The Lord landed us in an incredible group!

We love living 15 minutes from the beach—an outdoor activity we can each enjoy as a family, refreshing to body and soul. We love our screen porch and walking/skating/biking around the pond and wearing shorts in November! The kids are taking tennis lessons, and enjoying Adventure Club and youth group on Wednesday nights (while Steve and I get a “date” picking up groceries and walking around the park). [Contented sigh]...God has been very kind to us!

We miss family and friends in Maryland, but have been able to go back twice already for ortho appointments and to spend quality time with them. We continue to thank God for Steve’s flexible job where he can work remotely from anywhere.

Wait, why did we move down here? Oh yeah, for the miracle that keeps us pinching ourselves—it just seems too good to be true, and yet so normal and right. After “dutifully” going to the beach every chance we got and simply enjoying living in this blessed state and breathing the fresh air that blows across this peninsula, Cora’s skin gradually cleared up again and has been completely clear for weeks. She can focus on her schoolwork now, and sleep much better. Furthermore, God has provided the ideal health practitioner to help each of us recover from life and, Lord willing, achieve a level of wellness that will allow for greater service and community. We have a long way to go, in every way, but we're so thankful for the Holy Spirit's work in our bodies and souls.

He could have healed her any way He wanted to. But He chose a way we never could have imagined. And He could have moved us to FL any way He wanted to, but He chose to do it in this unique and memorable way. There's still an element of mystery to all of this...but we walk by faith, not by sight.

Why are we telling you all this?? To add yet one more testimony, one more psalm of praise, one more triumphant shout to the reverberating cacophony of the ages: GOD IS FAITHFUL!! He gave us what we needed every single day of our trial, and every single night. And our health and life are entirely in His hands.

My biggest (and sweetest) memory is of kneeling by Cora’s bed on the hardwood floor that Steve painstakingly put in for her, in the utter darkness of night, spent beyond all comparison, after she’d finally fallen back to sleep...caught up in ecstatic praise to God through the worship music that got us through those nights. (Hidden in My Heart, vol. I-III) And also watching her grow in character and spiritual maturity and love for Jesus through this trial.

This account is just a drop in the bucket of all that happened. And a drop in the ocean of all that God did!

Our all-wise Father shepherded and parented all five of us through this gift of a trial. Our loving Master pruned our branches in order to bring forth much fruit for His glory (John 15). We started really tasting that fruit—deep and soul-satifying—that year we were at our lowest. Our hearts were being softened and transformed, we enjoyed more peace and joy, and Jesus set us apart from the culture and drew us close to His heart.

“For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many." (II Corinthians 1:8-11)

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (II Corinthians 12:9)

Thanks soo much for your prayers (that got us through) and your friendship!

Love, 

Janel, Steve, Annelise, Evelyn, and Cora

PS. Please come visit or let us know if you're ever in the Jacksonville area or passing through
on 95!

 

Our Christmas card in 2018...He gave us the faith to believe the impossible & later fulfilled it!

The real enemy

"I feel like God has been preparing us for this all my life, which scares me because that means it's gonna last a long time."

Our 10 year old surprised me by saying this at bedtime a couple weeks ago when the coronavirus wave finally hit the US.

Even the kids can see that our family journey of the last two years is strangely similar and preparatory to what the world is experiencing right now.

In October 2017, our sweet little girl, then five, who'd had a chronic rash for several years which would fluctuate in severity, gradually became much worse. By the end of November, large patches of her skin were thick, purplish, weepy and bleeding, and very itchy in the evenings and through the night.

We'd been working on her overall health and internal issues for years, but her symptoms had mostly been manageable. This development escalated the situation to emergency status for us.

Our family's social life came to a screeching halt. We were homebound most of the time, and our whole lives revolved around getting our sweetie better.

She couldn't be alone for a minute, for fear she'd scratch her raw and weepy skin. We went on a special diet that required constant cooking. Steve or I had to stay with her for 1-2 hours at bedtime every night, distracting her from scratching til she fell asleep. And then we'd be up with her later that night--every night--for one to several hours. And her protocol often took up the rest of my day when I wasn't cooking.

Then there was the added challenge of having a sick child. I've had my own chronic issues for years, but this was probably even harder, both watching her suffer and trying to help her through, and also the challenge of getting her to do the protocol.

Meanwhile, the other two kids were having to sacrifice alot. Although they had their own health issues too.

Not to mention the stress, the trauma, and the ravages of sleep deprivation, along with all the heart issues God was working on.

Whew. Even now it's hard to believe we made it through those two years.

Truly, the Lord gave us strength for each day. And each night. Day by day. That was the ONLY way.

There's so much more I could say, but I'm just trying to give you a snapshot. Yes it's hard to be homebound right now as a preventative measure, while we're well, but it's 10 times harder when your family is sick.

...and everyone else is normal. In case that helps put our current "lockdown" in perspective.

===

Now that I've set the stage, I want to explain one of the bazillion lessons God taught me during this time, that may be helpful right now. Actually, it has been helpful for me to reflect back and relearn this lesson--with some fresh insight added in, as God continues to work in my heart and set me free.

Fear.

There's good fear. There's bad fear. And trust me, I haven't figured all this out yet.

But here's what we experienced.

When Sweetie-pie-tootie got much worse, and our concern grew to alarm and fear, that was the good fear that God gives parents in order to protect their children. Caution, prudence, a healthy fear that motivates appropriate action.

That was good and right and healthy. In fact, if we hadn't taken action, and put everything of lesser priority on hold so that we could meet this urgent need, we would have been negligent parents.

We were responsible to act. And by God's grace, we acted.

But then, something strange happened. Or actually, not strange at all. Totally human and natural. But not healthy, helpful, or good.

The fear grew. It kind of took over and acquired a life of its own.

Much like children do, actually. Or parasites. Or weeds, or clutter, or Facebook. Or really anything that grows unchecked, or that we do not put firm boundaries around and constantly maintain those boundaries.

Anything that becomes an emotional focus can quickly get out of hand. And just like parasites, or greed, or lust, that kind of fear is never satisfied. It will back you into a corner and will keep going, until it strangles the very last breath out of your lungs.

It took me a long time to realize this was happening. And it was all part of God's journey for us. But He finally opened my eyes to realize it was my fear that was bossing me around alot of the time.

And that the more "ground" I gave it, the more I gave in to it, the more decisions I made based on it, the more it would keep taking, and taking, and taking, til there was nothing left of me. Until we couldn't do anything and would be completely paralyzed, by fear.

Which would be even worse than the itchy rash, the sleepless nights, the daily struggle to keep my head above water.

I was the only one who had the power to change this, for myself at least. And in my guiding of the family. Only I could start saying no to fear. Only I could take control again (and the farther into the corner you allow yourself to go, the harder it is to push back...but dum spiro, spero: while there's still breath, there's still hope!).

I had to start pushing back the fear. With faith.

I had to start deliberately taking risks and expecting God to catch us. Not stupidly...not deliberately putting my family in danger. But in little decisions where before the answer was an automatic no, or a "ummm, yikes....eek, [freak out]...noooo," now needed to be a cautious or perhaps an enthusiastic yes.

I realized that the germs had started out as our enemy, but now fear was our enemy, and that pushing back fear and even "running into it" was the thing that would be most healing, at that point.

In God's perfect timing, He started showing me that not just food and caution and identifying triggers and deeper sleep was healing. But adventure was healing. Fun was healing (esp for this particular child). Getting out in nature was healing. Trying new things was healing. Letting go of absolute control and trusting God was healing.

And so we judiciously got outside again, pollen notwithstanding. We went rock climbing as a family (a dream come true!). We went swimming a few times. We went back to church. We ate out at a healthy restaurant here and there.

And it was...it was healing!

And we felt freer.  And I could feel the death-grip of fear loosening from around our necks and hearts.

My sister wisely mentioned to me last year that, for her, health is about balance. And it was what I needed to hear at that point.

Yes, desperate times call for desperate measures. But once the desperation starts to clear, we need to start taking steps back out of the valley, in faith and confidence.

The same loving Shepherd Who led us down into the valley--for His Own beautiful purposes and for our good--is not going to leave us there (although we might leave ourselves there). At the right time, He calls us back out, and by faith we must follow.

Embracing a Year of Jubilee

Our family theme for last year was Year of Jubilee: Rest and Restoration. I felt the idea was from God, and then--in characteristic fashion--He honored and fulfilled His Own idea. ; )

I just realized that He is extending that opportunity to our whole country and world, this year. 

Do a little research on the Year of Jubilee. I'm fascinated by it. https://www.gotquestions.org/Jubilee.html

Every 50th year (after 7 cycles of 7 years), the Israelites were to cease planting, rest from their usual work, set all their slaves free, revert land back to original owners, and trust God to provide on a daily basis.

Do you see some parallels with what we're all experiencing right now.

We are ceasing from much of our normal routines and plans. Our lives feel radically different. We are completely uncertain what will happen ("nobody knows," I keep telling my kids). 

It feels like a reset year. And God means it for our freedom.

I'm already feeling the freedom of breaking out of our established modes...and finding that life goes on, and "underneath are the Everlasting Arms" as my safety net. It's refreshing.

Interestingly enough, the verse about the Year of Jubilee, Leviticus 25:10, "Proclaim liberty throughout the land unto all inhabitants thereof," are the words inscribed on the Liberty Bell.

Maybe God means to set us free in new ways. 

Maybe He is extending rest and restoration.

Maybe after the "land lies fallow" for a while, fresh and abundant growth will burst forth.

I think I'll embrace this Year of Jubilee and enjoy His unfolding plan. 

...But God meant it for good

(posted to Facebook on March 12)

It's interesting to me that the whole nation is getting to experience what God did for our family a couple years ago: our entire lives came to a screeching halt as we put life and health first.

Many of you have had to do this too at different times.

As incredibly hard as it is (and as someone who prizes community and fun and activity, I know how excruciatingly hard it is), it has been GOOD. So, so good, for us. Here are just a FEW ways God blessed us thru that time...

1. All our priorities were recalibrated. Life is of utmost importance, and wellness is worth the sacrifices required to get (or keep) it.

2. Our faith was tested and our hope was re-centered on Jesus Christ, Who is our ONLY HOPE for life and eternity.

3. We grew so much closer as a family. Relationships were repaired and strengthened.

4. We grew individually, in maturity and freedom and love for Jesus.

5. We were stretched beyond our limits and found we could do way more than we thought we could, and grew in endurance.

6. We grew in thankfulness.

7. Our pleasures were actually intensified. Once we could start doing some activities again, or eating new foods, they were 10x more fun and tasty than they ever were before. Oh, the glory of simple pleasures!

8. We grew to appreciate home life and actually crave that quieter space at home (but still enjoy activity when we're out). Our identity is no longer in our calendar.

9. The kids got to learn and do more things at home than we had time for before (crafts, reading, projects, games).

10. We experienced, firsthand, God's faithfulness and goodness and mercy every single day. Truly He works all things together for GOOD to those who love Him!

11. We were slowed down enough (kicking and screaming of course) to begin to hear the Holy Spirit better, and learn to walk by the Spirit, and receive His incomparable love, joy, and peace!

12. Our grip on earth was loosened, and heaven is so much closer, for each of us. We yearn for and rejoice in anticipation of the coming again of our Savior!

The place where dreams come true

Be careful what you want on earth.

You may get it through all eternity.

More

"Life is more than food, and the body more than clothing."

My child, if you're consumed with food and clothing, you're operating at a surface level, and there's so much MORE!

Dive into the More with Me.

He can't wait to see me dance

I was worrying (again) about what I should be doing. About missing that Big Thing I'm supposed to be doing. There's so much I want to do...where do I start? Which one is the right thing for this season, and my precious little free time?

(I didn't know it was worry, mind you. But I guess that's what it's called when thoughts swirl round and round in your head, and you start to feel anxious and controlling and confused. And so alas, I must admit, I've fallen into the worry trap once again.)

Only to be rescued once again.

We were at the twins' "show" yesterday to conclude their week of gymnastics camp. (A dream come true for Cora!)

Evelyn, in her black leotard with the little skirt, started out on the balance beam, and walked across with such grace, touching toe to knee with each step ("like they told me to"). Her grace and loveliness almost took my breath away, and gave me such delight.

I can't wait to see her do more. To have the opportunity to use and develop that obvious gift.

You can bet I'm moving heaven and earth to get her the ballet lessons she's been asking for. Just for the pleasure of watching her.

And that...that is how my Father feels about me.

The Lord will fulfill His purposes for me...because He doesn't forsake the works of His Own hands. (Psalm 138:8...my life verse)

"Secularization"

You can't "take God out" of anything. He's the only source of good in the universe.

If you tried to take every bit of God out of everything, all you'd be left with is...

hell.

Smart investing

Prayer is a chance to "buy stock" in God's great enterprises.

Life

Life is simply the playground where God's children exercise their faith.

And underneath are the Everlasting Arms.

Do not be afraid, little flock...

I chuckle at my children while they play, so earnest and serious about things I know are trivial and fleeting, shadows of reality. Paw Patrol figures and stuffed animals and taking care of their bikes as horses, on a regular schedule of do-or-die.

And I wonder if God chuckles so often at us grown-ups, His little children.

"Oh, they're in a power meeting at work and they think it's such a big deal. How cute...."

The secret

I tend to look to people to meet my needs...for approval, for acceptance, even for self worth and identity. (It sounds so foolish and embarrassing to write this out, in actual words, but if I'm honest, I've struggled with this every day of my life...eek). I can't believe I'm 44 and still struggling with this!

Oh and I also look to things to meet my needs...for provision, protection, fun, and excitement. But to look to these things is to struggle, since...

Only. God. can meet my needs. That's it. God is the only person or thing in the universe who can actually, physically, spiritually, everything-ally FILL those holes of need, in my body, soul, and spirit.

"Every good thing and every perfect gift is from Above..."

Because He is THE only good in the universe. The only Source of anything good, beautiful, true, or right.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4.19

I think we tend to focus on the needs part of this verse. Will God really supply all our needs? Yes, He will. Yesssss, He willllll, we say through clenched teeth of sheer faith sometimes.

But yesterday (in the bathroom at the dentist office, of course) the Holy Spirit turned His spotlight on that verse in a new way for me, and suddenly I saw!

GOD will meet all my needs. It's God who meets all my needs. Not friends, not Steve, not kids, not coworkers, not the dental hygienist. Not money or food or natural remedies (hehe) or a clean house (or a better house) or books or a nap or what I really want to be doing right now but instead I'm doing what I need to do.

God meets needs. Only God meets needs. Only God can meet needs.

So. I'm. Free.

I'm....I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Because God's gifts are free! For the asking. And He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and the banks in a thousand cities, and the magic remedy to cure all ills, and the heavenly ice cream that flows down from the mountains of abundance into my hungry mouth and both tastes good AND is good for you, ha.

And YOU are free! (You should be very excited about this. ; ) )

Because I don't have to look to you or depend on you or cling to you or wait for you or control you or manipulate you or figure out how to help you or change you.

I do all that to God instead. Well, the first four anyway. ; )

And now, when it comes to people, I'm free...to give. I'm free...to love. I'm free...to take from God, and soak and savor and slather and splash around in His goodness, His provision, His beauty. And you get the overflow.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

What a way to live! That,  my friends, is

how

I

want

to

LIVE!

So help me, God. ; )

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me." Philippians 4.11-13

Gulp...it's me

When you read Proverbs, do you find yourself saying, "who is this 'fool'?" "Who is this 'wicked person'?' "Who is the 'righteous'?"

I do. And then I reason, Oh, the wicked person and the fool is the unbeliever. The righteous are the believers made righteous in Christ, as Paul says.

And this is true.

But, I just glimpsed a more relevant meaning. A more applicable meaning. A more realistic meaning.

The fool is...me. The wicked person is

me.

Me in my sin. Me in my natural tendency, my flesh. Me in my own ways. Me without God's help.

Hmmm. I'll be reading Proverbs a little differently now. Heh.

Not what but how

The  more I read the New Testament, particularly the epistles, the more I see that God is not so concerned with what, but how.

I get so contorted with anxiousness about the what: what to-do item to tackle first, what to feed my family, what to be doing with my time, what to buy on amazon. And I so remember that "what" angst with life decisions that seems to start in  high school: what college to go to, what job to take, what man to marry, what city to live in, what house to buy. 

It's so important! 

But...I am really seeing that God is more concerned with how.

(And the right how leads us to the right whats.)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, (how)

And do not lean on your own understanding. (how)

In all your ways acknowledge Him (how)

And He will direct your paths.

Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. (how)

I was just sitting here thinking, do I really care what my kids do with their free time? I mean, I do. But do I care much what they draw or paint or build? Do I care if they're playing with dolls or legos or Paw Patrol? Certainly I care and I'm interested and I love to hear their play babble.

But I care far, far more about how they are playing: are they getting along, do they have peaceful loving hearts, are they joyful, are they sharing, are their words to one another encouraging and building up, are they working in harmony together and out of love for the Lord?

And those things--mixed in with their own uniqueness and creativity--are what make their play-babble so beautiful to my ears and the rejoicing of my heart.

And what drives me crazy? Not when they change activities (unless they don't clean up the first...which rarely happens actually...we're working on it, ha). 

But when they start fighting. When they grab. When they hit each other. When there's a cutting word, or they turn a deaf ear to a call for help.

Wow, 23 results for "love one another" in the New Testament. It's amazing to skim through those and hear the heart of God. And then most other NT commands are the "how" of that love.

"Above all things, have intense and unfailing love for one another..." I Peter 4:8

Lord, renew my mind with this truth! So that I can love my fellow Christians and fill Your heart with joy. <3

Infinitely MORE delicious and fun

How exciting must God be

if His gifts alone keep us busy and addicted for a lifetime!

...and distracted from the Giver.

Impossible

Sin is essentially telling God, "I don't need You. I can do this on  my own."

I am so foolish!

I'm like a sunflower seed saying to the sun, "Please don't shine on me. I can do this growing and blossoming thing on my own."

Feeling Christmas

This Christmas...

If we feel honored yet suddenly controversial,
let us bear reproach with Mary.

If we feel shocked and betrayed,
let us toss and turn with Joseph.

If we feel the approval of God but the disdain of man,
let us faint with Mary's parents.

If we feel perfect peace and elation at home but unsettled and out of place around our peers,
let us waddle--with a cane--with Elizabeth.

If we feel chastised yet filled with praise, but unable to express it,
let us learn to listen with Zechariah.

If we feel weary and overburdened and put upon,
let us groan with Mary's donkey.

If we feel like we're late to a party we weren't invited to, and our neediness is met with indifference, even contempt,
let us join Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem.

If we feel that we must have planned poorly or misunderstood God's direction, and thus failed our children or caused our family unnecessary suffering,
let us join Joseph and Mary in the stable.

If we feel jerked into an emergency situation for which we are utterly inadequate and completely alone--hour after hour through the long, dark night--soothing, rubbing, babbling platitudes we will to be true, agonizing with and for a loved one--a dependent, simply doing in the moment while shutting out past and present, giving out of emptiness, stretched impossibly beyond the breaking point,
let us join Joseph helping Mary deliver a baby in a stable.

If we feel the elation of surviving an ordeal we never would have chosen for ourselves,
let us consider the One Who deliberately and calculatingly chose to be...

socially unacceptable
"unplanned" and considered illegitimate
poor, cold, hungry, uncomfortable
unwelcome
ignored
hunted and attemptedly slaughtered
a refugee
a nobody
a letdown
called an impostor, liar, devil
flattered and used, hated and slandered
plotted against
betrayed, arrested, condemned
whipped, mocked, spat upon
crucified

...for you. for me. for us.

If we feel the pinch of the narrow road--so much less traveled--
let us remember that it is the only way that leads to Life,
and step into rank beside--surprise!--all of God's especially-favoreds: Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses, David, all those crazy prophets, John the Baptist, Peter, Paul.

Jesus.

If we feel anything,
let us feel awe.

Safer in the storm

We think once the storm is past, that we can breath a sign of relief: We are safe.

But in fact, we are less safe. For it is self-sufficiency and complacency and prayerlessness that are the true danger, the real enemy, not the storm.

It's thinking we are safe and don't need God's help that puts our souls in peril.

Persevere, not interfere

I just caught myself saying in my heart, regarding God's work and promise, "It's not happening fast enough for me." And alarm bells from the Holy Spirit went off in my head: that's what Sarah was thinking when she told Abraham to get a son through Hagar.

"I know God made us a promise, Abraham, but it's not happening fast enough. It must be my fault. [As if I, a mere mortal, could thwart the plan and decree of God.] We thought He meant a son through me, but maybe He didn't. Maybe we misunderstood. [As if His Holy Spirit doesn't help us--yea, make sure--that we understand when we need to, when we really want to.] Take Hagar."

And look at the untold regional and global unrest and terror that that interference has wrought from day one up to the present headlines.

Lord, I submit to Your timing. Enable me to believe You and to persevere, not interfere.

A second chance, to believe

My beloved children, you rejected the chance to believe Me when life was perfect, in that pristine Garden I dreamed up for you.

So now you must learn to believe Me when life is far, far from perfect.

But how precious it will be, when you reflect that
blood-stained,
hard-bought,
refined-in-fire
                     faith back to Me.

When you can say with Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

"Looking unto Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith..."

"It is by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing: it is the gift of God..."

"For now we see through a glass dimly, but then face to Face..."